The Ottawa citizen tries to rile me up with a ridiculous list of bullshit

So if one was to pick 5 defining moments in the history of Canada the Ottawa citizen offers up the following 33 picks to creat a list of 5.

The obvious are on the list and the obvious aren't on the list. We need to define "defining" because people seem to be missing the point. For instance, the list is heavy with events that are suppose to define Canada's relationship with Quebec. More boring than that is the rights of women. How can the woman's rights movement be called definitive of anything? Women can vote, hooray! Big fucking deal. Worse than that is the inclusion of gay rights. Unless you are gay, who the fuck cares about the legality of buggery? I mean really. There has never been, nor will there be a bigger "Fuck you dad, look at me mom!" movement in the history of the world. A movement seeking recognition for sexual practices is VERY FUCKING WEAK. BE a productive law abiding member of society, then go home and fuck the shit out of who ever you want. Nuff said.

Basically, this is a minority rule list that has very little to suggest events that created A COUNTRY.

Anyway, here is the list, see for yourself.

A Canadian Heritage ministry website lists the battle of Vimy Ridge as one of five “defining moments in Canadian history” since Confederation.

If you were asked to enumerate the five defining moments in Canadian history, would they include Vimy? We have compiled a list of 33 historic milestones since 1867.

-Confederation: The Dominion of Canada is created on July 1, 1867 (Of course. Long negotiation, pros and cons, detractors, abstainors etc. Defining)
-The Last Spike: The transcontinental Canadian Pacific Railway is completed on Nov. 7, 1885. (Without this BC goes elsewhere, and until the 60's this is your avenue to the country, so yes)
-Louis Riel Hanged: Metis leader executed for high treason Nov. 16, 1885. (Way to much press has been given to this marginal figure, who was a big a failure as he was crazy)
-Vimy Ridge: On April 9, 1917, the Canadian Corps, fighting as a unit for the first time (If nothing else, this showed the world the potential of Canada, innovative, quick, strong, dedicated. This gave birth to a plot of land ont he international landscape)
-Women’s Enfranchisement: Canadian women win the right to vote in federal elections. (Big fucking deal, it took decades for women's rights to be nationalized. This great leap of equality only followed universal male sufferage by about twenty years in most countries so "the suffering of Women" is a little blown out of proportion. Poor landless men didn't have the right to vote for a very long time either and they were still expected to die in wars so you pick who had it worse off).
-Winnipeg General Strike: Mass strike for six weeks in May and June 1919, in support of striking workers in building and metal trades. (big news story, big deal. Having visited recently I think the whole city could have used those 6 weeks wages).
-First Female MP: Agnes Macphail is elected to Parliament on Dec. 6, 1921. (Oh my god, the first, no way, wow, I can't believe it! That defines Canada, right there, a woman we have never heard of)
-Balfour Report: Canada and the other dominions are autonomous from and equal to Britain (Basically written in stone in 1902, but thanks for the newsflash)
-The Persons Case: The British Privy Council rules in October 1929, that Canadian women are “persons” under law and thus eligible to be appointed to the senate. (Defining Canadian moment decided by a foreign government, preceeded by a foreign government decision. Not exactly the stuff of civil war is it?)
-The Statute of Westminster: A British statute gives dominions of the Commonwealth full autonomy. (blow me down, another one. Thanks for the defining moment)
-Public Broadcasting: The Canadian Radio Broadcasting Commission is created by legislation on May 24, 1932. (What is definign about this? Did they broadcast Friends back then too?)
-Conscription Vote: 70 per cent of Quebecers reject a 1942 plebiscite calling for conscription, though the country as a whole endorses it. (Again, how is this defining. For once, you have to think Quebecers were right. The French wouldn't even fight for themselves, why should the poor cousins bother?)
-Juno Beach: Canadians storm Juno Beach on June 6, 1944, as part of the Allied D-Day assault on Normandy. (Sure we were there, but so what? They knew we could fight, we had a huge army, airforce and navy. What else were we going to do that day, watch?)
-First Socialist Government: Tommy Douglas leads the CCF to power in Saskatchewan on June 15, 1944. (Socialism is great, really is, but how does the election of a premier in one of the least populated provinces affect me today. Health Care of course, yeah well that isn't what they are describing here is it now?)
-The Canadian Citizenship Act: As of May 14, 1946 , a Canadian citizen is no longer classified as British subject first. (I prefered being defined as a British subject. Besides, ho do you define this country, well we got to change our name in 1946. Great!)
-UN Peacekeeping: Lester B. Pearson, Canada’s foreign minister, leads the movement to create a UN peacekeeping force during the Suez Crisis in November 1956. (Money pit, waste of fucking time and direction. If this defines us, we can put our finger ont he day we bacame pussy pushovers that stopped helping and contributing to the Empire and started being America's bitch)
-The Bill of Rights: An act specifying the rights of Canadians becomes law on August 10, 1960. (weakest piece of legislation of record. Huge failure, little more than lip service. yeah that sums us up.)
-Medicare: Canada's first comprehensive public health-care program goes into effect in Saskatchewan on July 1, 1962. (Lot's of places have it, and lot's of places have better service than us. So yeah great)
-New Flag: The red maple leaf on white background between two red bars becomes the official flag of Canada on July 1, 1962. (We have had plenty of flags and we used the maple leaf in the first world war, again so what? The liberals made it read, so it was little more than a political prop. (Liberals bullying Canada, now that would be definitive)
-Official Languages Act: Prime Minister Pierre Trudeau introduces the Official Languages Act on Oct. 17, 1968, making English and French the country's two official languages. (What were they before? Cost a lot of money and 40 years on, nobody is happy about it to this day. So great)
-October Crisis: In the fall of 1970, the government invokes the War Measures Act in response to FLQ abductions. (greatest embarassement in history. We bent over and got raped by murdering terrorists, gave them a vacation, a pardon and high paying jobs. That is my definition of a boombastic jazz style.
-Team Canada Wins: Paul Henderson scores with 34 seconds remaining in final game to win the best of seven Canadian-Soviet match-up on Sept, 28, 1972. (Exciting sure, but I think it is time to update this to 1987, now that was exciting. With all of Canada's injuries, the guys the NHL wouldn't let play and those cheating Soviets, it was more WWF than anything else)
-Death Penalty Abolished: Canada ends state execution by a margin of eight votes on June 22, 1976. (So? I can read teh tourist advertisemtn now "Canada: We don't kill criminals").
-PQ Comes to Power: Rene Levesque leads the separatist Parti Quebecois to victory in Quebec on November 15, 1976. (Ruined the Quebec economy, hurt the Canadian economy, led to nothing but bad feelings and resentement. Glad he is dead)
-Quebec Referendum: By a 60-40 margin, Quebecers vote against sovereignty association in a referendum on May 27, 1980. (Explain what they will lose, instead of lying ot them and then take the vote)
-Constitution Patriated: Canada takes control of its own constitution on April 17, 1982. (whoa guys, don't rush into things)
-Gay Rights: The federal government outlaws discrimination against homosexuals on April 17, 1982. (So? I mean really. This is a definign moment in our history. Tolerance?)
-Free-Trade Agreement: The Canada-U.S. free trade agreement is signed Jan. 2, 1988. Extended to Mexico in 1994. (We already had 85% free trade with the US. this was a campaign ploy, nothing more, nothing less)
-Abortion Rights: A Supreme Court decision paves way for abortion on demand on January 28, 1988. (We have no law. It is legal becaus it isn't illegal).
-Quebec Referendum II: Quebecers narrowly reject separation, with 50.6 per cent voting No on Jan. 28, 1988. (Pierre Trudeau is a dickhead, nuff said about that one)
-Anti-Terrorism Act: Passed by the Liberal government of Canada on December 18, 2001. (I would define Canada by its hand job legislation to meet American requests, so yeah sure, this defines Canada, or is at least symbolic of Canada)
-Same-Sex Marriage: The Civil Marriage Act enacted on July 20, 2005, legalizing same-sex marriage across Canada. (Is it just me, really? I can't take this anymore. FUCK WHOEVER YOU WANT, JUST SHUT UP)
-War in Afghanistan: Canada’s increased military major role in southern Afghanistan in 2006 leads to several dozen combat deaths over the course of a year and a half, sparking calls for the country to abandon the conflict (If it was 1995, this list would have Bosnia on it, that is how definitive this event is in our history. For the record, an event where several dozen Canadians die in a hositlie evironment over 18 months is called Toronto)

How do you define Canada, well The Citizen clearly defines it Gay, Women and Quebec. Sounds like Saturday night on St.Catherine. See you later, I am going to the bar.