The Ottawa citizen tries to rile me up with a ridiculous list of bullshit

So if one was to pick 5 defining moments in the history of Canada the Ottawa citizen offers up the following 33 picks to creat a list of 5.

The obvious are on the list and the obvious aren't on the list. We need to define "defining" because people seem to be missing the point. For instance, the list is heavy with events that are suppose to define Canada's relationship with Quebec. More boring than that is the rights of women. How can the woman's rights movement be called definitive of anything? Women can vote, hooray! Big fucking deal. Worse than that is the inclusion of gay rights. Unless you are gay, who the fuck cares about the legality of buggery? I mean really. There has never been, nor will there be a bigger "Fuck you dad, look at me mom!" movement in the history of the world. A movement seeking recognition for sexual practices is VERY FUCKING WEAK. BE a productive law abiding member of society, then go home and fuck the shit out of who ever you want. Nuff said.

Basically, this is a minority rule list that has very little to suggest events that created A COUNTRY.

Anyway, here is the list, see for yourself.

A Canadian Heritage ministry website lists the battle of Vimy Ridge as one of five “defining moments in Canadian history” since Confederation.

If you were asked to enumerate the five defining moments in Canadian history, would they include Vimy? We have compiled a list of 33 historic milestones since 1867.

-Confederation: The Dominion of Canada is created on July 1, 1867 (Of course. Long negotiation, pros and cons, detractors, abstainors etc. Defining)
-The Last Spike: The transcontinental Canadian Pacific Railway is completed on Nov. 7, 1885. (Without this BC goes elsewhere, and until the 60's this is your avenue to the country, so yes)
-Louis Riel Hanged: Metis leader executed for high treason Nov. 16, 1885. (Way to much press has been given to this marginal figure, who was a big a failure as he was crazy)
-Vimy Ridge: On April 9, 1917, the Canadian Corps, fighting as a unit for the first time (If nothing else, this showed the world the potential of Canada, innovative, quick, strong, dedicated. This gave birth to a plot of land ont he international landscape)
-Women’s Enfranchisement: Canadian women win the right to vote in federal elections. (Big fucking deal, it took decades for women's rights to be nationalized. This great leap of equality only followed universal male sufferage by about twenty years in most countries so "the suffering of Women" is a little blown out of proportion. Poor landless men didn't have the right to vote for a very long time either and they were still expected to die in wars so you pick who had it worse off).
-Winnipeg General Strike: Mass strike for six weeks in May and June 1919, in support of striking workers in building and metal trades. (big news story, big deal. Having visited recently I think the whole city could have used those 6 weeks wages).
-First Female MP: Agnes Macphail is elected to Parliament on Dec. 6, 1921. (Oh my god, the first, no way, wow, I can't believe it! That defines Canada, right there, a woman we have never heard of)
-Balfour Report: Canada and the other dominions are autonomous from and equal to Britain (Basically written in stone in 1902, but thanks for the newsflash)
-The Persons Case: The British Privy Council rules in October 1929, that Canadian women are “persons” under law and thus eligible to be appointed to the senate. (Defining Canadian moment decided by a foreign government, preceeded by a foreign government decision. Not exactly the stuff of civil war is it?)
-The Statute of Westminster: A British statute gives dominions of the Commonwealth full autonomy. (blow me down, another one. Thanks for the defining moment)
-Public Broadcasting: The Canadian Radio Broadcasting Commission is created by legislation on May 24, 1932. (What is definign about this? Did they broadcast Friends back then too?)
-Conscription Vote: 70 per cent of Quebecers reject a 1942 plebiscite calling for conscription, though the country as a whole endorses it. (Again, how is this defining. For once, you have to think Quebecers were right. The French wouldn't even fight for themselves, why should the poor cousins bother?)
-Juno Beach: Canadians storm Juno Beach on June 6, 1944, as part of the Allied D-Day assault on Normandy. (Sure we were there, but so what? They knew we could fight, we had a huge army, airforce and navy. What else were we going to do that day, watch?)
-First Socialist Government: Tommy Douglas leads the CCF to power in Saskatchewan on June 15, 1944. (Socialism is great, really is, but how does the election of a premier in one of the least populated provinces affect me today. Health Care of course, yeah well that isn't what they are describing here is it now?)
-The Canadian Citizenship Act: As of May 14, 1946 , a Canadian citizen is no longer classified as British subject first. (I prefered being defined as a British subject. Besides, ho do you define this country, well we got to change our name in 1946. Great!)
-UN Peacekeeping: Lester B. Pearson, Canada’s foreign minister, leads the movement to create a UN peacekeeping force during the Suez Crisis in November 1956. (Money pit, waste of fucking time and direction. If this defines us, we can put our finger ont he day we bacame pussy pushovers that stopped helping and contributing to the Empire and started being America's bitch)
-The Bill of Rights: An act specifying the rights of Canadians becomes law on August 10, 1960. (weakest piece of legislation of record. Huge failure, little more than lip service. yeah that sums us up.)
-Medicare: Canada's first comprehensive public health-care program goes into effect in Saskatchewan on July 1, 1962. (Lot's of places have it, and lot's of places have better service than us. So yeah great)
-New Flag: The red maple leaf on white background between two red bars becomes the official flag of Canada on July 1, 1962. (We have had plenty of flags and we used the maple leaf in the first world war, again so what? The liberals made it read, so it was little more than a political prop. (Liberals bullying Canada, now that would be definitive)
-Official Languages Act: Prime Minister Pierre Trudeau introduces the Official Languages Act on Oct. 17, 1968, making English and French the country's two official languages. (What were they before? Cost a lot of money and 40 years on, nobody is happy about it to this day. So great)
-October Crisis: In the fall of 1970, the government invokes the War Measures Act in response to FLQ abductions. (greatest embarassement in history. We bent over and got raped by murdering terrorists, gave them a vacation, a pardon and high paying jobs. That is my definition of a boombastic jazz style.
-Team Canada Wins: Paul Henderson scores with 34 seconds remaining in final game to win the best of seven Canadian-Soviet match-up on Sept, 28, 1972. (Exciting sure, but I think it is time to update this to 1987, now that was exciting. With all of Canada's injuries, the guys the NHL wouldn't let play and those cheating Soviets, it was more WWF than anything else)
-Death Penalty Abolished: Canada ends state execution by a margin of eight votes on June 22, 1976. (So? I can read teh tourist advertisemtn now "Canada: We don't kill criminals").
-PQ Comes to Power: Rene Levesque leads the separatist Parti Quebecois to victory in Quebec on November 15, 1976. (Ruined the Quebec economy, hurt the Canadian economy, led to nothing but bad feelings and resentement. Glad he is dead)
-Quebec Referendum: By a 60-40 margin, Quebecers vote against sovereignty association in a referendum on May 27, 1980. (Explain what they will lose, instead of lying ot them and then take the vote)
-Constitution Patriated: Canada takes control of its own constitution on April 17, 1982. (whoa guys, don't rush into things)
-Gay Rights: The federal government outlaws discrimination against homosexuals on April 17, 1982. (So? I mean really. This is a definign moment in our history. Tolerance?)
-Free-Trade Agreement: The Canada-U.S. free trade agreement is signed Jan. 2, 1988. Extended to Mexico in 1994. (We already had 85% free trade with the US. this was a campaign ploy, nothing more, nothing less)
-Abortion Rights: A Supreme Court decision paves way for abortion on demand on January 28, 1988. (We have no law. It is legal becaus it isn't illegal).
-Quebec Referendum II: Quebecers narrowly reject separation, with 50.6 per cent voting No on Jan. 28, 1988. (Pierre Trudeau is a dickhead, nuff said about that one)
-Anti-Terrorism Act: Passed by the Liberal government of Canada on December 18, 2001. (I would define Canada by its hand job legislation to meet American requests, so yeah sure, this defines Canada, or is at least symbolic of Canada)
-Same-Sex Marriage: The Civil Marriage Act enacted on July 20, 2005, legalizing same-sex marriage across Canada. (Is it just me, really? I can't take this anymore. FUCK WHOEVER YOU WANT, JUST SHUT UP)
-War in Afghanistan: Canada’s increased military major role in southern Afghanistan in 2006 leads to several dozen combat deaths over the course of a year and a half, sparking calls for the country to abandon the conflict (If it was 1995, this list would have Bosnia on it, that is how definitive this event is in our history. For the record, an event where several dozen Canadians die in a hositlie evironment over 18 months is called Toronto)

How do you define Canada, well The Citizen clearly defines it Gay, Women and Quebec. Sounds like Saturday night on St.Catherine. See you later, I am going to the bar.

Definitive 200 - comparisons be damned - it's the issues bitch

Before I start I have to say that I think some perspective and distance is necessary to judge whether or not an album can be defined as definitive. Saying that I think any album on a definitive list has to be at least 10 years old. To be definitive I think it has to cross a generation. Your older brother has to play it for you, or some older guy needs to tell you that "if you like those guys, well you'll love this."

Also, we can't trust ourselves. We need time and space and a lack of top 40 radio play to judge whether or not the "summer song of 2002" holds up. I am talking about MmBop here. While not on the list I think the band Aqua qualifies as a perfect example. Nobody sold more albums than those idiots, yet those albums were a fad and definitive of nothing. That is what time and distance would give us when evaluating whether or not "complicated" by Avril Lavigne is definitive or the worst written, ryhm laddened shit the world has ever seen. I don't think we can be sure if "complicated" is worthy of note or a simple SHUT THE FUCK UP BITCH.

With that in mind the definitive 200 list actually contains 157 albums.

When you see that 25% of of the list dissapears based simply on age, in a grouping spanning roughly 40 years, it becomes pretty clear that some decades didn't get enough recognition simply because the writers had to save room for 25% or an equal share of each decade.

I think it is also fair to elliminate soundtracks from the list based on the lists own requirement that no greatest hits be included. Soudtracks are little more than greatest hits collections and it is certainly not fair to compare a GH package against an album. "Purple rain" can stay and unfortunately so can "a star is born".

So the definitive 200 now contains 148 albums.

All of that and most of the 65 albums I would toss are still there. Like I said, maybe 70 could make the cut in a sane list.

Another small beef with the list is that some artists appear 3 or more time for reasons difficult to determine. For instance; Metallica has 3 albums in the top 200 of all time... I like Metallica, but that seems high. I think even the worlds biggest Metallica fan would argue that 3 is a little high when discussing the 200 of ALL TIME. Prince also has 3 albums on the list. Again, I think as much as I like Prince, if you don't have a Velvet Underground album you maybe able to sacrifice 1 Prince album. Again Jay-z, clearly influential...borrowing/sampling his way through a career appears three times. Stevie Wonder appears once. A guy whose biggest hit is with Beyonce or a redub of the Annie musical may not qualify as 'definitive' in the face of Steveie Wonder. Just saying.

Eminem gets two albums, personally I believe his debut was huge, shit we had not heard before, not style or musically, but the lyrics. This is an album I could make an exception to the ten year rule for. 'Kill you' stands out to me as a song that I can't believe was recorded, but I am happy it was. Amazing stuff, but his other album on the chart also released in 2000 screams of duplication, as every album he has put out since feels like a shallow copy. Including the lesser album from the same year seems like a HUGE watse of a place considering other omissions, see Velvet Underground.

Anita Baker also gets two albums, one which is called the blueprint for Whitney Houston and Toni Braxton the other #188 is described like this in the lists own review "... Rhythm of Love, which is so embellished with slides, moans and trills it's often difficult to find the songs underneath it all. " Sure, put it on the list. That makes a lot of sense.

Beyonce Knowles appears on 2 albums, one solo and one with Destiny's child. I think that is a little much considering the Ramones don't appear. And what about the Guess Who? If you want to talk mainstream rock and roll, success and lasting impact, they are it. I know, more fat old white guys, so to be a bit more modern and hopefull mor efair I have to wonder where PM Dawn's big album is? Everyone talks about that record to this day. Clearly influential. Or where the hell is a Sly and the Family Stone record?

One thing that really bothers me about the list is that they include a few jazz albums for no apperent reason. The list clearly reads as Beatlesque rock and new music, with pitty fucks for a few other decades, but then they tack on Miles Davis. Sure, we all love miles, but he sticks out like a sore thumb on this list.

And why are Elvis' sun sessions not considered a GH package? and if they aren't then where is a similar treatment for Chuck Berry or Little Richard? Speaking of Elvis, his first LP makes the list at #147 and is described like this "...changed American music forever. This 1956 collection was Presley's first album proper (and arguably rock's first great LP), a release that both broke him to a national audience and became an enduring piece of pop cultural iconography."

Now, sick of him or not, is there a more definitive rock and roller? This album was it for rock and rolls new generation. Like it said, a classic rock album before there was one. So THE ALBUM that lauched ELVIS. Described by many as his finest finishes life at #147

BEHIND....

all 3 Dixie Chick Albums, the soundtracks to Grease, Saturday night fever, footloose, dirty dancing, Titanic, Top Gun and O'Brother where art thou. How about behind not one, but 2 green day albums, or the clash album that it helped partially inspire? Better still the King sits well back of Celine Dion, Sheryl Crow, Christina Aguilera, Enya, Faith Hill, Norah Jones, Shania Twain, Alanis and JEWEL!

I don't think you can justify this. Sgt. Pepper has held its respect for a very long time. People complain, but it truly was an achievement, but without that first DEFINITIVE Elvis album does any of it happen? I am not saying it is number one, or should be. Time should push it down the list if music does truly progress, but to 147 after the entire artist list of Litlith fair and DIVA's 5. You haven't just ruined your own credibility you have wasted a lot of people's time.

This is just a glimpse into what beat out the ALBUM that started it all.

1. SANTANA – SUPERNATURAL
3. SHANIA TWAIN – COME ON OVER
4. ALANIS MORISSETTE – JAGGED LITTLE PILL
5. NORAH JONES – COME AWAY WITH ME
6. OUTKAST – SPEAKERBOXX-LOVE BELOW
7. DIXIE CHICKS – WIDE OPEN SPACES
8. SOUNDTRACK – GREASE
10. SOUNDTRACK – SATURDAY NIGHT FEVER
11. BON JOVI – SLIPPERY WHEN WET
12. DAVE MATTHEWS BAND – CRASH
13. GREEN DAY – DOOKIE
14. GREEN DAY – AMERICAN IDIOT
15. EMINEM – EMINEM SHOW
16. JEWEL – PIECES OF YOU
17. COLDPLAY – RUSH OF BLOOD TO THE HEAD
18. KID ROCK – DEVIL WITHOUT A CAUSE
19. FAITH HILL – BREATHE
20. LINKIN PARK – HYBRID THEORY
21. MATCHBOX TWENTY – YOURSELF OR SOMEONE LIKE YOU
22. NELLY – COUNTRY GRAMMAR
23. CREED – HUMAN CLAY
24. CLASH – LONDON CALLING (great album, it is included for its cover/influence only)
25. CELINE DION – FALLING INTO YOU
26. SOUNDTRACK – DIRTY DANCING
27. DIXIE CHICKS – HOME
28. SOUNDTRACK – TITANIC
29. KENNY G – BREATHLESS
30. DIXIE CHICKS – FLY
31. MARIAH CAREY – DAYDREAM
32. SOUNDTRACK – TOP GUN
33. CHRISTINA AGUILERA – CHRISTINA AGUILERA
34. SOUNDTRACK – O BROTHER WHERE ART THOU?
35. ENYA – DAY WITHOUT RAIN
36. NATALIE COLE – UNFORGETTABLE WITH LOVE NATALIE COLE
37. SOUNDTRACK – FOOTLOOSE
38. SHERYL CROW – TUESDAY NIGHT MUSIC CLUB

In my opinion 30 of those albums don't belong on a top 500 list, but...

THE ROCK AND ROLL HALL OF FAME believes that those albums trump the spark that started a fire that burned the river in Cleveland and let them build that museum to ignorance.

Definitive 200 Albums of all time...Wrong Bitch!

There has been much ballyhoo over the recent "Definitive 200 Albums of all time" produced by the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.

http://www.definitive200.com/200_list.php

There is a strong marketing campaign associated with the list and it is clear that it is simply an avenue to sell records.

So in that, the list is a total waste of time.

I personally love lists like these...when they are good. I am not saying my whole music collection has to be on the list, but most of it better be and if not, you better be teaching me something about a band I NEED TO KNOW, not trying to tell me that one of the 200 definitive albums of all time is by Avril Lavigne #162...FUCK OFF, and that EVERY SINGLE DIXIE CHICKS ALBUM is definitive. No I am not kidding.

I just read some pretty good chatter about the list, and it is basically two camps. What made it and what didn't. "I can't believe this obscure bullshit artist didn't make the list, while that pop queen did". OR "How does the Velvet Underground, the major influential band of the last 30 years not have an album on the list?"

I support both of these camps equally. Someone said if you want to talk sales, just release a billboard 200 all time, if you want people to learn about roots, benchmarks, highs and gritty lows then put some thought into the list.

There is at the very least some selfrealization that if alot of people bought the record it may make it worth mentioning, but for the most part the complainers are ABSOLUTELY correct when they say TEACH don't TELL.

As for this list, by my VERY GENEROUS count there are 65 albums on the list that should never have been released let alone placed on a top 200 list. That was a five minute scan. Give me an hour and a list of what wasn't there and I think 70 albums MIGHT survive the cuts. Now that is a bad start.

As for me, I will listen to anything. I have plenty of guilty pleasures, not worth mentioning (they are a secret), but this list tops all when it comes to dated bullshit that won awards in 1981 and was never heard from again (Top Gun Soundtrack #117). Worse still is the huge amount of American music that is just plain shit (GRAND FUNK RAILROAD #200) and even worse than that it is the obvious attempts to internationalize the list with crap so bad it didn't sell in its own country (Shakira #172).

What makes the list truly horrible is the "independant reviews" used to complie the list and "justify" the selection. Clearly that fact that experts from all over were used as the base for the list would suggest that their opinions were also somehow used to create this list. WRONG

Here is a great example of 2 albums I don't think belong, BUT one of them could make it if I was to consider impact, popularity, staying power etc. Also it gets in because old Mace is a guilty pleasure.

So at number 57 the list has 50 cent 'get rich or die tryin' with the following quote/review accompanying the album.

"so it’s a can’t-miss record, right? Well, mostly."...

Hold on. The number 57 definitive album of all time is reviewed as mostly can't miss. We will need to clear this up.

"Sure, Get Rich could never have lived up to the hype, it’s nowhere near Biggie's Ready to Die or Nas's Illmatic"
Really, cause "Ready to Die" isn't in the top 200 and Nas's Illmatic charted at number 187. In fact the only Notorius album on the list is "life after death" and it charts at 59...after "get rich".

How can you possibly justify a chart position with a review that doesn't back it up?

I use these examples to not jade my commentary with my own feelings because I wouldn't put any of these albums on the list. You could not find me more dated, one hit wonder albums (they do many times over, Footloose soundtrack #134 for instance, but the statment is for effect). When you talk about definitive records you have to speak of an album not identified by one song. If you say "exile on main street" to people you will probably get 4 to 5 different songs mentioned as the seminale song.

I don't know if this list makes me angry or has put me in shock.

The fun part of the list is to find one fo the ridiculous inclusions and then find what comes right after that album. The list loads 25 albums at a time so the impact is even greater. For instance:

21 Shania Twain - Come on over.

Sure it sold millions, but can anyone name a song on the album? All of her incredibly successful shit melts into one. How can you tell one album from the next. You can't. That is why...

A) she, nor her albums are Definitive (as she laughs at me on a huge pile of money)

and

B) When placed in context with its surroundings, that album certainly does not belong ahead of

22 The Who - Who's Next
23 Steve Wonder - Songs in the key of life
24 Fleetwood Mac - Rumours
25 Pink Floyd - The Wall

Just looking at it, makes it even sillier. How can you create a list that includes these four albums and any Shania Twain album. Better still, how does that Shania Twain album, or any of her albums finish ahead of these four albums? Trust me there are 100 other albums after these that should be ahead of the Twainer, but the point should be screaming at you now.

Just look at the list. 22 is the greatest mistake album of all time. It happened by accident and is the crown jewel in the career of one of the biggest and best bands in the world. It is also, arguably, my favorite album of all time. It doesn't belong at number 1, mine is a personal preference, but it certainly belongs ahead of 'come on over'. "Who's next" in case you have forgotten contains :

1. Baba O'Riley 2. Bargain 3. Love Ain't For Keeping 4. My Wife 5. The Song Is Over 6. Getting In Tune 7. Going Mobile 8. Behind Blue Eyes 9. Won't Get Fooled Again

That is just the cheap album. The new release they refer to then proceeds to blow your mind with:

10. Pure And Easy 11. Baby Don't You Do It 12. Naked Eye 13. Water 14. Too Much Of Anything 15. I Don't Even Know Myself 16. Behind Blue Eyes

You don't even have to be a fan to recognize the staying power of just 3 of these songs. At just nine songs this album was a straight through tour de force. The extras are fantastic to a fan and would earn converts, but the nine songs stand alone. As for Come on over, it had easily 6 number one hits on various charts and sure Shania sold a lot of copies, but 'Don't be stupid' 'man I feel like a woman' 'that don't impress me much' and 'rock this country' cannot, under any circumstance be mentioned in the same breath as Bargain, Baba O'Reilly and Won't get fooled again.

As for the other albums, all of which I own and love, first you have the final great work from a man who spoke for a generations of Americans with songs that were as enjoyable to mainstream White America as they were IMPORTANT to Black America. So yeah, I guess 'come on' over trumps that. Then you have an album that is home to 6 songs etched in the subconcious of Americans over 30, contains THE GREAT lovers quarrel put to music, and one of the few records that could boast selling more copies than 'come on over', if that is they way we are judging things. So I guess 'Come on over' has that beat because.....? Even at its own ridiculous game, Rumours has to beat Come on over if this list is to stick to its own weird rules. As for The Wall, as a whole it is called uneven, but aren't the simple pieces of the album, 'another brick in the wall' by itself, more definitive of a period, country, people ETC. ETC. That album because of its impact and staying power HAS TO BE more important than an album a bunch of lame white women over 30 really liked that summer a few years ago, with the videos ETC. ETC.

I spent a lot of time on one example, but I am sure there is another, let me look for a minute...(I really am going to look mid Blog)

Okay, it took a while and then BOOM. There are horrible examples, but their impact was lessened by the fact that the real criminals were bookended by equally ridiculous albums making 4 greats in a row even more difficult to find. BUT

107 Kenny G - Breathless

Followed directly by

108 NWA - Straight out of Compton
109 Sex Pistols - Never Mind the Bullocks
110 Beatles - Rubber Soul
111 Radio Head - OK Computer

Is this example worse than the first? I think you could argue this example has a much wider appeal and would certainly be considered worse to a hell of a lot of people, black, white, old, young, wierd, outsiders, insiders ETC. Is it worse, whose to say, but yeah, it is worse, at the very least, Shania is hot and easy to look at and almost everybody in the world bought her records. 200,000 soft jazz albums is not exaclty definitive.

Too me, if you define definitive, there is nothing more definitive of a time, place, artist, style or gendre than NWA's Straight outta compton. I can't really say anymore about that. If you want definitive, that is it. Even a Kenny G fan would have to admitt that as much as they love Kenny he has never screamed this loud, summed anything up so well and put it in everyone's face this much.

Sex Pistols DITTO. No I am not lazy, I mean it. This is the loud in your face scream of a band from a very specific time and place and they nailed it.

Now Rubber Soul isn't the same kind of time and place scream, but in 1966 it basically was. They showed the world the way in 1964 and 1965, and then changed the fucking rules. I don't know much about soft jazz or the alto sax, but I doubt 'Breathless' did that for an entire gendre. Rubber Soul was a coming out party for a band that already came out. The lost quality of the Beatles is that in 5 1/2 years they developed at a pace that would make a steriod athelete jealous. They started it, changed it, went back to it and changed it again and left it burning on the table. We still talk about the "it" and are still amazed. We talk about "it" so much peopel are getting sick of "it". They really were the modern Bach, Mozart etc. So where does that leave Kenny G after the Beatles first great developmental step? 3 places ahead of them apperently.

Now in fairness, I don't get Radio Head, I tried, I have the albums, this one included, but I just can't see them through "creep". That said, millions do and swear by everything the say and play. So with that in mind, I am told that while this album is no KID A, it is apperhently not far off. For radio head this is their 'Rubber Soul' on the way to "Revolver" if you will. This band gets called influential, the future of music, etc. all the time so I am just suggesting now, that even though I am not a fan, this band, so important to music over the past 10 years has produced something more 'definitive' than Kenny G did on Breathless...just sayin'

More deep thoughts in the next episode

I found a few more examples, but was beat down by like 6 bad albums in a row. Right after my previous example came a sting so great I can't believe it happened. It is like winning lottery numbers.

117 Top Gun soundtrack

YES I FUCKING JUST WROTE THAT. Do I go on? Does it really matter what comes after? It must be better, it has to be better.

To refresh the Top Gun soundtrack contained 'Danger Zone', 'Take my breath away', 'heaven in your eyes'.......no that really is it. I struggled with the third song and only included it because as a 30 year old Canadian I am legally required to like Loverboy. So in the history of recorded music this album was deemed the 117 definitive album of all time. that in itself is a staement and a half. I need a minute.

Okay so what came after?

118 Elton John - Goodbye Yellow Brick Road
119 Police - Syncronicity
120 No Doubt - Tragic Kingdom
121 Rolling Stones - Beggars banquet

WHAT THE FUCK!

118- Goodbye yellow brick road- Elton John's masterpiece, and I mean masterpiece. I won't even look at the liner notes for this. 'Candle in the wind', 'yellow brick road', 'grey seal', 'Jamacian jerkoff', 'Roy Rodgers', 'all the young girls love Alice', 'dirty little girl', 'Ballad of Danny Bailey', 'Sweet painted lady', Saturday night's alright for fighting' and oh yeah (quick check) I forgot 'Bennie and the fucking jets'.

If the Who's Next is my favorite album, it is because sometimes I forget I own this album. It is so fucking good, it isn't fair to other albums. The fact that it only gets to 118 is the real crime, not that falls after the FUCKING TOP GUN SOUNDTRACK. This is the worst crime of the century, a young century, but until we have a world war, this is the FUCKING CRIME OF THE CENTURY.

119 - syncronicty - Police - Okay so, Syncronicity. Track 7, 8 and 9 trump anythign on the Top Gun Soundtrack, and in a heads up comparison of the "breath" sounds, I would wager my home and family that no one would say 'take my breath away' is a better song, more definitive, has a greater impact than 'every breath you take'. Plus this is not a greatest hits collection, it is a Police album, not my favorite, but the quality can't be denied. A collection of random singles cannot beat an ALBUM, in a definitive album ranking.

120 - Tragic Kingdom. This album is definitive, no question, it has it all, and it captured a moment. Sure Top Gun captured a moment, but I think everyone can agree it did it for all the wrong reasons. As for tragic Kingdom, if nothing else it gave the 90's its 'these boots' or 'I am woman'. Fuck girl power, that was a good song. Yes I like this album, yes I love this album. When I saw 'I'm just a gril' performed on David Letterman before this album came out, I was blown away. Everything about that song and the three other massive hits on the album speaks to something. If 'breathaway' and 'danger zone' are better songs than 'just a girl', 'spider webs', 'don't speak' or 'Sunday morning' well fuck my ass.

121 - Beggars banquet - What the hell do I say? I probably have a three or four way tie for my favorite Rolling Stones album, but outside that fight, this album will always make my top five albums period, so ranking it against the Top Gun soundtrack is fucking hurtful. First, this album has BOTH 'Sympathy for the devil' and 'street fighting man' so the case is not just closed the album needs to move up 50 places. BUT, forgetting that, take those two songs and throw them in the trash and get a hobo to whisper the lyrics to 'parachute woman', 'stray cat blues' or 'dear doctor' directly in my ear and this album still trumps Top Gun. Ask fucking Nirvana where they stole the rif to "smells like teen spirit" and they will tell you "Stray cat blues'. This album is so good, it should be left off the list with 'goodbye yellow brick road' and 'who's next' in simple fairness to other albums.

I could go on all day with this.

When a list of definitive albums contains the Titanic soundtrack, the Footloose soundtrack, the Top Gun soundtrack, the Dirty Dancing Soundtrack, the Forrest Gump soundtrack and highlights from Phantom of the Opera, you know the list is fucked. Speaking of soundtracks, if they like Kenny Loggins so much, where the hell is the Caddy Shack soundtrack, it was WAY better than Top Gun.

No joke here. 'I'm alright' and 'anyway you want it' beat out Top Gun hands down every fucking time.