Wow, I hate Bill Simmons

ESPN jerk off Bill Simmons just tipped the scales.

I use to like his 80's era flash backs and his stories about Vegas, blah blah blah, but I am done with him.

Here's why.

Bill wrote a piece about the NHL draft. He opened by admitting he had no knowledge of the league anymore, couldn't name 20 players and then procedded to make fun of Canadian accents for 2 pages. Hillarious stuff.

Why do Americans feel it necessary to make fun of the fact that Canadians speak differently? Better question is why does it bother me so much?

American accents include, but are not limited to the following.

Tough ignoramous from NYC

Valley twit from LA

Ebonics

Chicago retard

Inbred southern hick

po'boy southern US

All of these colourful accents include their own dialect, all of them centre on a seeming disdane for the English language and all of them see fit to make fun of the way Canadians talk. Well you self righteous fucks, fuck off, I'm serious.

As for Bill Simmons, I finally got to the bottom of why I hate him. He has always mentioned the fact that he use to be a Bruins fan when he followed hockey. I always wondered what happened, fortunately this time around he included a link to his article about why he "broke up with the Bruins". His reasoning perfectly sums up the lack of respect the Bruins have in NHL circles. Regardless of what happens with a trade, the Bruins are judged solely on the day of the trade and that judgement carries for eternity. Joe Thoronton is just the latest example, but Bill Simmons "broke up" (Faggot) with the Bruins because of the Jason Allison trade.

How fucking stupid can you be. A journalist who does nothing but talk about the past can't look back at his departure from his favorite team and reevaluate his decision? Guess not.

At the time of the trade Allison was hot. He should have gone to the Olympics, he was easily the second or third best playmaker in hockey, he was the shit. He was also a pain in the ass and a hold out threat so the Bruins traded him to the west coast where they wouldn't have to deal with him.

The Bruins for the record love sending pretend talent to the West. The Kyle MacLaren trade was a big deal at the time. The Bruins got a lot of shit for that one, but in retrospect, what for? To a casual fan, where is Kyle Maclaren? Spoiler, San Jose, making $5 million, doing nothing special.

They sent Nick Boyton to Pheonix, another huge mistake according to the press. He held out twice, reentered the draft etc. etc. showed some spark for the Bruins, then fell apart (PS. he almost murdered a cab driver in Ottawa as a Junior and never served a day). The Bruins traded this "ROCK" on defense to Pheonix at the beginning of last year. Pheonix put him on waivers a month ago. Hasn't been picked up yet. Must be a hell of a player.

The Bruins walked away from an arbitraitors decision on Dimitris Khristich and got all kinds of shit. He had back to back 29 goal seasons for the Bruins and was awarded $4 million a season. The Bruins walked, he was a free agent, the leafs swept in to pick him up and he proceeded to play 3 more seasons and scored a total of 34 goals for two different teams, with a high of 12 goals the season after he left the Bruins. Guess what? He has never been heard from again. Still the Bruins were judged as cheap and that assesment has never been reevaluated. Was $4 million fair for 34 goals in 184 games? I guess if your the Bruins, yes it should be considered fair.

The same theory was given when the Bruins let Tim Taylor go. He had a career year with the Bruins and slumped during the strike shortened seaosn. Then the Rangers during their craziest period swept in with lots of money and he left for greener pastures. The Bruins thought he wanted too much and let him go. Sure he played for cup winning Tampa, but for the money he was asking the Bruins would have been stupid to pay him. How do we know? Well the Rangers couldn't wait to dump his enormous salary after one season. Tim Taylor got silly money because of one good year with the Bruins. In fact he has played 750 career games and 25% of his career goals were scored during his best year with the Bruins. 73 career goals, since leaving the Bruins in 1999 Tim Taylor has scored 34 goals, including 1 goal last year.

What about Sergei Samsonov? The Bruins got it from all angles after trading him to the Oilers. He was a big part of the Bruins for a long time, a big injured part. The Bruins were torn to shreds after that trade. Well since leaving Samsonov has changed teams, received a huge contract, been benched, sent to the minors and ridiculed in the media for a lack of effort. He had 9 goals in 63 games last year. Again the Oilers are called smart for not resigning him, the Bruins cheap and stupid for letting him go.

There are a lot more examples but the Jason Allison one is perfect, Bill Simmons brought it up and it helps to shine some light on the Joe Thornton trade. Allison made room for Thornton, Thornton makes room for Bergeron the circle of life.

Jason Allison was at the top of the hockey world when the Bruins traded him for next to nothing. The real problem with the trade is they got two former Bruins (Jozeph Stumple and Glen Murray) in return for Allison and Mikko Eloranta.

To Bill Simmons and his reference article this trade ended his relationship with the Bruins. This trade, one of the best fucking trades they ever made, stopped him liking the Bruins.

Jason Allison had 95 points in his last season with the Bruins. His rights were traded to the Kings, where he signed a monster 3 year deal in the neighborhood of $5 million a season and played 99 total games for the Kings and had 102 points. He was injured every two minutes, missed an entire season due to injury, came back after the stike to sign with the Leafs, to hiscredit he was almost a point a game player, got injured again and is now out of hockey at 31 years of age.

The Bruins traded him because he was A) too expensive and B) because Joe Thornton was about to come into his own.

As for Mikko he played one more season after the trade and quit the NHL.

Now Bill fucking Simmons, what did the Bruins get? How did they lose in this deal?

Well Glen Murray, since coming back to the Bruins, has played 360 games, scored 163 goals, 147 assists for 310 points. He has been a team leader and their best goal scorer. He has played 5 seasons since returning. Allison is 3 years younger, played 260 fewer games, scored 208 fewer points, is out of hockey, and until this past year had probably out earned Murray 2 to 1. I guess if you count horrible offensive categories Allison leads Murray in dollars wasted.

The best part of the deal is that in the other half of the deal, out of Jozeph Stumple the Bruins got 2 seasons, same as the Kings got out of Allison. They got 150 games, 51 more than the Kings got out of Allison. They got 108 points, six more than the Kings got out of Allison and best part of all he was one third the price.

Basically in a heads up deal Allison for Stumple the Bruins still come out ahead. Factor in Murray and it is one of the most lopsided deals in league history. Eloranta was an okay defensive specialist who left after the second season, so player for player the Bruins win hands down in both cases. In other words the Bruins were right to dump Allsion so where is the credit for that?

The list is too long to go over in its entirity, but the Bruins have taken a lot of shit at trade time, and nobody has ever gone back and said "you know, they were right."

Anson Carter, still scores goals, but nobody wants him.
Bill Geurin, got a five year deal out of Dallas and they tried to trade him every day for five years, no takers.

Biggest of all, I would bet a million dollars the Bruins got shit for trading Barry Pederson for Cam Neely. At least they get credit for that move. It probably still took 10 years, but they are getting credit.

It goes on and on. Did they lose on deals, sure, everyone does, but with the exception of the islanders, nobody takes more shit for trades than the Bruins.

Is China a real Place?

I only ask because this story appeared today after two other very alarming stories about the world's emerging power.

Chinese villagers eat dinasour bones

"Villagers in central China dug up a ton of dinosaur bones and boiled them in soup or ground them into powder for traditional medicine, believing they were from flying dragons and had healing powers. Until last year, the fossils were being sold in Henan province as "dragon bones" at about 4 yuan (50 cents) per kilogram (2.2 pounds), scientist Dong Zhiming told The Associated Press on Wednesday."

No the story is fucking serious. Ground them up and used them as magical medicine, the magical medicine and healing powers of the flying dragons.

The story followed one which detailed how 180 food factories have just been shut down in China for producing food for export using deadly pionson as key ingredients. The food in question? Children's candy. This story comes on the heals of the poison toothpaste for export and of course the famous poison pet food for export.

Keep all of that in mind when you think about the third China related story of the day detailing the fact that Chrysler will be building their cars for the American market in Chinese factories. Makes sense, everything is built in China. But cars? I don't know about that one. I guess if their bullshit food doesn't kill you, the drive home from the grocery store will.

It strikes me that "falls apart like a Chinese Motorcycle" isn't just a mildly racist joke, it is in fact reality.

When those wonderful cars come to Canada I think before anyone buys one, they should talk to anyone who ever bought 1 of the following automobiles in their first 10 years in the North American market.

KIA
DAEWOO
HYUNDIA
LADA

If you are thinking about buying a Chinese car may I suggest you wait 20 years. Spend the extra $10,000 and buy something made at a nice clean, safe Canadian plant. You will be helping the economy and when you go to trade your car in after 5 years you will have a few benefits.

First the fucking car will still be on the road, remember the pony, spectra, excel? No, neither does anyone else. Second it will be worth more than pennies on the dollar. Unless you are focusing in on "push or pull" trade events, it might be nice to get a couple of grand out of the car. Third, and for me most importantly, you won't look like a cheap fuck who tried to save $5000 by risking his life and the lives of other driving the brand new "CHINATASTIC SHITBOX 3500".

All I am saying is think about it, and of course Magic Dragons? I may not have all the answers, but when you catch me digging up bones in the back yard and eating them for their magic qualities, you can stop buying cars from me too.