Wow, I hate Bill Simmons

ESPN jerk off Bill Simmons just tipped the scales.

I use to like his 80's era flash backs and his stories about Vegas, blah blah blah, but I am done with him.

Here's why.

Bill wrote a piece about the NHL draft. He opened by admitting he had no knowledge of the league anymore, couldn't name 20 players and then procedded to make fun of Canadian accents for 2 pages. Hillarious stuff.

Why do Americans feel it necessary to make fun of the fact that Canadians speak differently? Better question is why does it bother me so much?

American accents include, but are not limited to the following.

Tough ignoramous from NYC

Valley twit from LA

Ebonics

Chicago retard

Inbred southern hick

po'boy southern US

All of these colourful accents include their own dialect, all of them centre on a seeming disdane for the English language and all of them see fit to make fun of the way Canadians talk. Well you self righteous fucks, fuck off, I'm serious.

As for Bill Simmons, I finally got to the bottom of why I hate him. He has always mentioned the fact that he use to be a Bruins fan when he followed hockey. I always wondered what happened, fortunately this time around he included a link to his article about why he "broke up with the Bruins". His reasoning perfectly sums up the lack of respect the Bruins have in NHL circles. Regardless of what happens with a trade, the Bruins are judged solely on the day of the trade and that judgement carries for eternity. Joe Thoronton is just the latest example, but Bill Simmons "broke up" (Faggot) with the Bruins because of the Jason Allison trade.

How fucking stupid can you be. A journalist who does nothing but talk about the past can't look back at his departure from his favorite team and reevaluate his decision? Guess not.

At the time of the trade Allison was hot. He should have gone to the Olympics, he was easily the second or third best playmaker in hockey, he was the shit. He was also a pain in the ass and a hold out threat so the Bruins traded him to the west coast where they wouldn't have to deal with him.

The Bruins for the record love sending pretend talent to the West. The Kyle MacLaren trade was a big deal at the time. The Bruins got a lot of shit for that one, but in retrospect, what for? To a casual fan, where is Kyle Maclaren? Spoiler, San Jose, making $5 million, doing nothing special.

They sent Nick Boyton to Pheonix, another huge mistake according to the press. He held out twice, reentered the draft etc. etc. showed some spark for the Bruins, then fell apart (PS. he almost murdered a cab driver in Ottawa as a Junior and never served a day). The Bruins traded this "ROCK" on defense to Pheonix at the beginning of last year. Pheonix put him on waivers a month ago. Hasn't been picked up yet. Must be a hell of a player.

The Bruins walked away from an arbitraitors decision on Dimitris Khristich and got all kinds of shit. He had back to back 29 goal seasons for the Bruins and was awarded $4 million a season. The Bruins walked, he was a free agent, the leafs swept in to pick him up and he proceeded to play 3 more seasons and scored a total of 34 goals for two different teams, with a high of 12 goals the season after he left the Bruins. Guess what? He has never been heard from again. Still the Bruins were judged as cheap and that assesment has never been reevaluated. Was $4 million fair for 34 goals in 184 games? I guess if your the Bruins, yes it should be considered fair.

The same theory was given when the Bruins let Tim Taylor go. He had a career year with the Bruins and slumped during the strike shortened seaosn. Then the Rangers during their craziest period swept in with lots of money and he left for greener pastures. The Bruins thought he wanted too much and let him go. Sure he played for cup winning Tampa, but for the money he was asking the Bruins would have been stupid to pay him. How do we know? Well the Rangers couldn't wait to dump his enormous salary after one season. Tim Taylor got silly money because of one good year with the Bruins. In fact he has played 750 career games and 25% of his career goals were scored during his best year with the Bruins. 73 career goals, since leaving the Bruins in 1999 Tim Taylor has scored 34 goals, including 1 goal last year.

What about Sergei Samsonov? The Bruins got it from all angles after trading him to the Oilers. He was a big part of the Bruins for a long time, a big injured part. The Bruins were torn to shreds after that trade. Well since leaving Samsonov has changed teams, received a huge contract, been benched, sent to the minors and ridiculed in the media for a lack of effort. He had 9 goals in 63 games last year. Again the Oilers are called smart for not resigning him, the Bruins cheap and stupid for letting him go.

There are a lot more examples but the Jason Allison one is perfect, Bill Simmons brought it up and it helps to shine some light on the Joe Thornton trade. Allison made room for Thornton, Thornton makes room for Bergeron the circle of life.

Jason Allison was at the top of the hockey world when the Bruins traded him for next to nothing. The real problem with the trade is they got two former Bruins (Jozeph Stumple and Glen Murray) in return for Allison and Mikko Eloranta.

To Bill Simmons and his reference article this trade ended his relationship with the Bruins. This trade, one of the best fucking trades they ever made, stopped him liking the Bruins.

Jason Allison had 95 points in his last season with the Bruins. His rights were traded to the Kings, where he signed a monster 3 year deal in the neighborhood of $5 million a season and played 99 total games for the Kings and had 102 points. He was injured every two minutes, missed an entire season due to injury, came back after the stike to sign with the Leafs, to hiscredit he was almost a point a game player, got injured again and is now out of hockey at 31 years of age.

The Bruins traded him because he was A) too expensive and B) because Joe Thornton was about to come into his own.

As for Mikko he played one more season after the trade and quit the NHL.

Now Bill fucking Simmons, what did the Bruins get? How did they lose in this deal?

Well Glen Murray, since coming back to the Bruins, has played 360 games, scored 163 goals, 147 assists for 310 points. He has been a team leader and their best goal scorer. He has played 5 seasons since returning. Allison is 3 years younger, played 260 fewer games, scored 208 fewer points, is out of hockey, and until this past year had probably out earned Murray 2 to 1. I guess if you count horrible offensive categories Allison leads Murray in dollars wasted.

The best part of the deal is that in the other half of the deal, out of Jozeph Stumple the Bruins got 2 seasons, same as the Kings got out of Allison. They got 150 games, 51 more than the Kings got out of Allison. They got 108 points, six more than the Kings got out of Allison and best part of all he was one third the price.

Basically in a heads up deal Allison for Stumple the Bruins still come out ahead. Factor in Murray and it is one of the most lopsided deals in league history. Eloranta was an okay defensive specialist who left after the second season, so player for player the Bruins win hands down in both cases. In other words the Bruins were right to dump Allsion so where is the credit for that?

The list is too long to go over in its entirity, but the Bruins have taken a lot of shit at trade time, and nobody has ever gone back and said "you know, they were right."

Anson Carter, still scores goals, but nobody wants him.
Bill Geurin, got a five year deal out of Dallas and they tried to trade him every day for five years, no takers.

Biggest of all, I would bet a million dollars the Bruins got shit for trading Barry Pederson for Cam Neely. At least they get credit for that move. It probably still took 10 years, but they are getting credit.

It goes on and on. Did they lose on deals, sure, everyone does, but with the exception of the islanders, nobody takes more shit for trades than the Bruins.

Is China a real Place?

I only ask because this story appeared today after two other very alarming stories about the world's emerging power.

Chinese villagers eat dinasour bones

"Villagers in central China dug up a ton of dinosaur bones and boiled them in soup or ground them into powder for traditional medicine, believing they were from flying dragons and had healing powers. Until last year, the fossils were being sold in Henan province as "dragon bones" at about 4 yuan (50 cents) per kilogram (2.2 pounds), scientist Dong Zhiming told The Associated Press on Wednesday."

No the story is fucking serious. Ground them up and used them as magical medicine, the magical medicine and healing powers of the flying dragons.

The story followed one which detailed how 180 food factories have just been shut down in China for producing food for export using deadly pionson as key ingredients. The food in question? Children's candy. This story comes on the heals of the poison toothpaste for export and of course the famous poison pet food for export.

Keep all of that in mind when you think about the third China related story of the day detailing the fact that Chrysler will be building their cars for the American market in Chinese factories. Makes sense, everything is built in China. But cars? I don't know about that one. I guess if their bullshit food doesn't kill you, the drive home from the grocery store will.

It strikes me that "falls apart like a Chinese Motorcycle" isn't just a mildly racist joke, it is in fact reality.

When those wonderful cars come to Canada I think before anyone buys one, they should talk to anyone who ever bought 1 of the following automobiles in their first 10 years in the North American market.

KIA
DAEWOO
HYUNDIA
LADA

If you are thinking about buying a Chinese car may I suggest you wait 20 years. Spend the extra $10,000 and buy something made at a nice clean, safe Canadian plant. You will be helping the economy and when you go to trade your car in after 5 years you will have a few benefits.

First the fucking car will still be on the road, remember the pony, spectra, excel? No, neither does anyone else. Second it will be worth more than pennies on the dollar. Unless you are focusing in on "push or pull" trade events, it might be nice to get a couple of grand out of the car. Third, and for me most importantly, you won't look like a cheap fuck who tried to save $5000 by risking his life and the lives of other driving the brand new "CHINATASTIC SHITBOX 3500".

All I am saying is think about it, and of course Magic Dragons? I may not have all the answers, but when you catch me digging up bones in the back yard and eating them for their magic qualities, you can stop buying cars from me too.

Time for Canadians to Turn Their Backs on the NHL

I have been screeming this for a while, but it is now a reality. Every Canadian, every single one, should turn their back on the NHL.

Don't watch it, don't talk about it and don't fucking pay to see it.

The CBC should drop its contract and we should all look for something else.

Why? Well unless you are a fucking idiot, it's because the league clearly does not want us or our business. Unless you are a gifted kid from Montreal or a towering defenseman from Saskatchewan the Gary Bettman NHL HATES YOUR FUCKING GUTS.

This whole second round of snubbing Basille should be the last straw and a great chance for alarmists to stand up and say "I FUCKING TOLD YOU SO!".

The good part of the news is that here is a chance for all of us to look inward. Fuck international hockey, we invented the goddammed game, but they'll only let us play by their pussy rules. Fuck games against florida or California or Texas or North Carolina. Fuck it all.

The time has come for the Basilles of Canada (and we have enough) to start a real Canadian hockey league, go back to the rules from 1984 and lets play some fucking hockey together.

I want to see a team of tough guys from Halifax, some skill from Quebec City, the big boys from Saskatoon and Regina. I want all of us to welcome back Winnipeg. All of us know how many teams Ontario can support and it isn't 2, try 4 to 6. Let's try and wake up Victoria and see if anybody else in BC wants to finally admitt they don't actually live in Vancouver.

This country can easily support 16 teams. What's that your saying? 16 teams, that sounds like a pretty good league right there.

Exactly! Fuck the NHL, they are finished with us, let's be done with them. Let's see how there precious league survives without FANS WHO CARE.

The NHL has now denied the city of Hamilton a team 5 times since 1992. 3 rounds of expanision and 2 attempts at transfers. FUCK THE NHL because Hamilton is just the proof that no Canadian city regardless of population or circumstance is going to get a team before every loser WHA castoff gets a run at it, and even then we'll have to pay double.

They can't sell us on TV and they don't want to try. How they can get America to cheer for Green Bay, but can't sell Toronto Montreal is beyond me, but there you go.

So I am askign all of you out there to turn your back on the league, support the game at the Junior level until the Basille's, Westin's and others decide to do the obvious and sell Hockey to Canadians.

Hockey Hall fo Fame

So the list is too long. There aren't enough spaces. Too many good guys are waiting or are eligible for the first time.

Thank god there is some concensus.

Messier, Francis, Stevens and MacInnis.

WRONG WRONG WRONG.

I fucking hate Messier, but he has to go in. No If's And's or But's. If Lemieux goes in the first time he pretended to retire with no wait, then Messier should have been extended the same courtesy. Plain and simple, the day Mess said no more, he should have been in, no election, nothing.

Francis has to go in because he is second to Gretzky all-time in an offensive category, Assists. Plain and simple if you lead the league all time in anyhting....

Understand that Gretzky is so far ahead in the record books second place is really first.

...You have to go into the hall. That means goals, assists or points you are in. Mess is points, Francis is assists, boom they are both in.

As for Stevens and MacInnis, no fucking way. Sure you can put them in the hall, but no way do they get in before the list of guys waiting already. Sorry, no dice, no debate. Until Dino Ciccarrelli gets in, the fucking door is closed.

Stevens hit really hard so he belongs in. What kind of bullshit argument is that? He ancored the defense so he gets in. I wonder what Neidemyer would have to say about that? He won all those cups. Yeah, he did. Here is a defensman with absolutley no offensive upside, playing on the most well coached defensive team of all time being given credit for winning cups. Sure he was a big part and a defensive leader and a great dressing room guy, but in the grand scheme of things how far is Stevens from Ken Danyko, and does that mean Danyko gets in too?

Answer, Stevens skated better than danyko, but that is about it. Fuck Stevens, he is barely a hall of famer, but even then, he is about 50th on the list of guys who are getting screwed over every day. In the last 10 years of Stevens career he averaged...AVERAGED 25 points a season. Without the years witht he capitals where they were SHIT he would have 500 career points. Wooop a dee DOOO.

As for MacInnis, he was good and I understand he ended up 3rd all time or some bullshit on Defensmen scoring. He had 100 points in a season once, but remember this guy played for 9 or ten seasons on one of the best offensive teams of all time. Not the Oilers, the Flames. Twice in his career he suited up with 7 past, present or future 50 goals scorers. That has never happendd before to anyone, not even Gretzky. When you have forwards on your team that include Nieuwendyk (51 twice), Roberts (53), Fluery (51), Loob (50), Mullen (51), Bullard (48 with the flames 50 with the Penguins), MacDonald (60), Hull (26 wuth the flames, but you know the rest). All of whom played during an incredible 5 year window, I defy you not to show some offensive flare.

He was a good defenseman, not one of the all time greats, he was the Brad Park of his generation, and he had a hard shot. Big fucking deal. Ray Bourque had an accurate shot. Who had more goals, assists and obviously points? Bourque. Bigger question, in his entire career, how many 50 goal scorers did Ray Bourque play with.... the answer is a surprising 10. Of course of that ten you have to count the incredible Bobby Carpenter (12 years removed), the crack addicted Kevin Stevens (never played a decent game), the FINISHED and I mean DONE Charlie Simmer and Joe Mullen, the most and least impressive 50 goal scorer of all time Al Secord, oh yeah you all remember him. Of all the 50 goal scorers to ever suit up with Ray Bourque only 3 have ever scorer 500 goals and he had a cup of coffee with each of them (Sakic, Anderchuyk and Mullen). He enjoyed the services of Middleton and Neely for a number of years, but regardless of who was in front of him, he was the man.

The point? Well in his prime MacInnis played with some magical goal scorers so his point totals are a bit heavy on the other hand Ray Bourque was the best player, not defensman, player, on every team he ever played for, except his last season and a half, and he still scored more points than any defenseman in history. The only other position player that can boast that is Wayne Gretzky.

What I have done here is compare a top ten defenseman of the 90's with the greatest of all time, not really fair, but he doesn't come close in points, awards or anything else, so how can he hang next to him in the hall?

Okay so who does make it?

I would put Gilmour in. He was great with St.Louis, Calgary and New Jersey. He was as good if not better than his press in Toronto so it is a no brainer that with his point totals he is a lock.

I would also put Oates in. He was quiet and overshadowed, but he was always the best player on the ice. If Canada invited Oates to the first World Cup of Hockey the US doesn't win. Not that they did win with that Canadian turncoat scoring a goal with a high stick, but whatever, with Oates in his prime as he was, Canada wins.

Side bar: unfortunately if Canada had three Bruins: Tocchet, Oates and Bourque, Canada wins by about 10 nothing. Instead the American Bastardization of the Canada cup will always be remembered as the year the Americans cheated.

As for Oates, he made 50 goal scorers. Hull may get 50 without him, but he doesn't get 70 and 80, Craig Janney helped prove that. Janney was a great playmaker and he could only just get Hull to 50.

If for no other reason Oates should get in for the 92-93 season. The Bruins brought him in the play with Neely. Neely went down and it was obvious he wouldn't be back for the season and Oates took it upon himself to be the playmaker and goalscorer for the Bruins. 45 goals, 97 Assists he was the best player I have ever seen in a single season except for Gretzky. As a Bruins fan, I guess it would be on par with the O'Reilly 90 point seson in 77-78. Oates is a career 20 goal man, for him to get 45 was ridiculous, never repeated but very impressive from a selfless player who finished with 1400 points and 1000 assists. He is in.

I already made a case fro Dino and of course for ANDY FUCKING MOOG. Until any of the above get in, and even Phil Housley, there is no way Stevens or MacInnis belong in the hall.

BONO / GELDOF SHUT THE FUCK UP

I have been gone a while, those fucking summertime blues. What was I to do, how would I make it back into the swing of things. Sure I got mad from time to time, but I just couldn't write about it.

Then...BANG

Two fucking Irish thugs, Bono and Bob Geldof blast Canada's aid to Africa.

Canada set a target to double aid by 2010 in 2005 and is on target to do just that, but these fucking fancy boy pricks decide that a new deal is needed.

Ever hear the one about feeding pigeons or giving to beggers? If you do, they just come back for more. Canada has always and will always be a giver and yet two fucking rich rockers think that Canada should give more.

Bono, in case you have forgotten, is a tax evading cheat, who moves his money and his "home" regularily to avoid paying taxes. Then of course he turns around and demands that goverments do more to help other countries. It would be a hell of a lot easier to "do more" if the country's rich people stopped hiding their money and paid their fucking taxes.

On a personal attack level, I don't think it is a coincidence that everyone associated with Geldof has committed suicide.

More importantly, this announcement or condemnation of Canada only came after of Prime Minister refused to meet with "Bono" when he was their to meet with actual leaders. He said that meeting rockers was more Paul Martin's style. That is fucking great and absolutley true. So Canada becomes a target of the Musical IRA because our Prime Minister would rather meet elected officals than front men. WOW, those self righteous cunts.

Hey Aids is a bitch, poverty sucks, but it is not an issue to be dictated by a know nothing singer from a has been band, better yet two has been singers.

Liking people from Alberta is tough, but I am starting to Like Stephen Harper more and more (Born in Ontario, now I guess we know where the sense comes from).

The fact that these two so-called anti-establishment assholes are strutting around threatening world leaders, one in his poser leather jacket and sunglasses, the other in his jean jacket, using their huge unearned influence to attack elected officials from countries THEY DON'T LIVE IN is fucking criminal.

The press is entirely to blame in this situation. Just because you like a band doesn't mean that the lead singer should be called upon to discuss the issues of the day. Run for fucking office if you truly believe you have something to say. It has been done before, in an odd coincidence by another bono, er I mean Sunny Bono. Other examples Arnold, Jesse Ventura, Clint Eastwood ETC.

Put up or shut up

FUCK OFF BONO

FUCK OFF GELDOF

The Ottawa citizen tries to rile me up with a ridiculous list of bullshit

So if one was to pick 5 defining moments in the history of Canada the Ottawa citizen offers up the following 33 picks to creat a list of 5.

The obvious are on the list and the obvious aren't on the list. We need to define "defining" because people seem to be missing the point. For instance, the list is heavy with events that are suppose to define Canada's relationship with Quebec. More boring than that is the rights of women. How can the woman's rights movement be called definitive of anything? Women can vote, hooray! Big fucking deal. Worse than that is the inclusion of gay rights. Unless you are gay, who the fuck cares about the legality of buggery? I mean really. There has never been, nor will there be a bigger "Fuck you dad, look at me mom!" movement in the history of the world. A movement seeking recognition for sexual practices is VERY FUCKING WEAK. BE a productive law abiding member of society, then go home and fuck the shit out of who ever you want. Nuff said.

Basically, this is a minority rule list that has very little to suggest events that created A COUNTRY.

Anyway, here is the list, see for yourself.

A Canadian Heritage ministry website lists the battle of Vimy Ridge as one of five “defining moments in Canadian history” since Confederation.

If you were asked to enumerate the five defining moments in Canadian history, would they include Vimy? We have compiled a list of 33 historic milestones since 1867.

-Confederation: The Dominion of Canada is created on July 1, 1867 (Of course. Long negotiation, pros and cons, detractors, abstainors etc. Defining)
-The Last Spike: The transcontinental Canadian Pacific Railway is completed on Nov. 7, 1885. (Without this BC goes elsewhere, and until the 60's this is your avenue to the country, so yes)
-Louis Riel Hanged: Metis leader executed for high treason Nov. 16, 1885. (Way to much press has been given to this marginal figure, who was a big a failure as he was crazy)
-Vimy Ridge: On April 9, 1917, the Canadian Corps, fighting as a unit for the first time (If nothing else, this showed the world the potential of Canada, innovative, quick, strong, dedicated. This gave birth to a plot of land ont he international landscape)
-Women’s Enfranchisement: Canadian women win the right to vote in federal elections. (Big fucking deal, it took decades for women's rights to be nationalized. This great leap of equality only followed universal male sufferage by about twenty years in most countries so "the suffering of Women" is a little blown out of proportion. Poor landless men didn't have the right to vote for a very long time either and they were still expected to die in wars so you pick who had it worse off).
-Winnipeg General Strike: Mass strike for six weeks in May and June 1919, in support of striking workers in building and metal trades. (big news story, big deal. Having visited recently I think the whole city could have used those 6 weeks wages).
-First Female MP: Agnes Macphail is elected to Parliament on Dec. 6, 1921. (Oh my god, the first, no way, wow, I can't believe it! That defines Canada, right there, a woman we have never heard of)
-Balfour Report: Canada and the other dominions are autonomous from and equal to Britain (Basically written in stone in 1902, but thanks for the newsflash)
-The Persons Case: The British Privy Council rules in October 1929, that Canadian women are “persons” under law and thus eligible to be appointed to the senate. (Defining Canadian moment decided by a foreign government, preceeded by a foreign government decision. Not exactly the stuff of civil war is it?)
-The Statute of Westminster: A British statute gives dominions of the Commonwealth full autonomy. (blow me down, another one. Thanks for the defining moment)
-Public Broadcasting: The Canadian Radio Broadcasting Commission is created by legislation on May 24, 1932. (What is definign about this? Did they broadcast Friends back then too?)
-Conscription Vote: 70 per cent of Quebecers reject a 1942 plebiscite calling for conscription, though the country as a whole endorses it. (Again, how is this defining. For once, you have to think Quebecers were right. The French wouldn't even fight for themselves, why should the poor cousins bother?)
-Juno Beach: Canadians storm Juno Beach on June 6, 1944, as part of the Allied D-Day assault on Normandy. (Sure we were there, but so what? They knew we could fight, we had a huge army, airforce and navy. What else were we going to do that day, watch?)
-First Socialist Government: Tommy Douglas leads the CCF to power in Saskatchewan on June 15, 1944. (Socialism is great, really is, but how does the election of a premier in one of the least populated provinces affect me today. Health Care of course, yeah well that isn't what they are describing here is it now?)
-The Canadian Citizenship Act: As of May 14, 1946 , a Canadian citizen is no longer classified as British subject first. (I prefered being defined as a British subject. Besides, ho do you define this country, well we got to change our name in 1946. Great!)
-UN Peacekeeping: Lester B. Pearson, Canada’s foreign minister, leads the movement to create a UN peacekeeping force during the Suez Crisis in November 1956. (Money pit, waste of fucking time and direction. If this defines us, we can put our finger ont he day we bacame pussy pushovers that stopped helping and contributing to the Empire and started being America's bitch)
-The Bill of Rights: An act specifying the rights of Canadians becomes law on August 10, 1960. (weakest piece of legislation of record. Huge failure, little more than lip service. yeah that sums us up.)
-Medicare: Canada's first comprehensive public health-care program goes into effect in Saskatchewan on July 1, 1962. (Lot's of places have it, and lot's of places have better service than us. So yeah great)
-New Flag: The red maple leaf on white background between two red bars becomes the official flag of Canada on July 1, 1962. (We have had plenty of flags and we used the maple leaf in the first world war, again so what? The liberals made it read, so it was little more than a political prop. (Liberals bullying Canada, now that would be definitive)
-Official Languages Act: Prime Minister Pierre Trudeau introduces the Official Languages Act on Oct. 17, 1968, making English and French the country's two official languages. (What were they before? Cost a lot of money and 40 years on, nobody is happy about it to this day. So great)
-October Crisis: In the fall of 1970, the government invokes the War Measures Act in response to FLQ abductions. (greatest embarassement in history. We bent over and got raped by murdering terrorists, gave them a vacation, a pardon and high paying jobs. That is my definition of a boombastic jazz style.
-Team Canada Wins: Paul Henderson scores with 34 seconds remaining in final game to win the best of seven Canadian-Soviet match-up on Sept, 28, 1972. (Exciting sure, but I think it is time to update this to 1987, now that was exciting. With all of Canada's injuries, the guys the NHL wouldn't let play and those cheating Soviets, it was more WWF than anything else)
-Death Penalty Abolished: Canada ends state execution by a margin of eight votes on June 22, 1976. (So? I can read teh tourist advertisemtn now "Canada: We don't kill criminals").
-PQ Comes to Power: Rene Levesque leads the separatist Parti Quebecois to victory in Quebec on November 15, 1976. (Ruined the Quebec economy, hurt the Canadian economy, led to nothing but bad feelings and resentement. Glad he is dead)
-Quebec Referendum: By a 60-40 margin, Quebecers vote against sovereignty association in a referendum on May 27, 1980. (Explain what they will lose, instead of lying ot them and then take the vote)
-Constitution Patriated: Canada takes control of its own constitution on April 17, 1982. (whoa guys, don't rush into things)
-Gay Rights: The federal government outlaws discrimination against homosexuals on April 17, 1982. (So? I mean really. This is a definign moment in our history. Tolerance?)
-Free-Trade Agreement: The Canada-U.S. free trade agreement is signed Jan. 2, 1988. Extended to Mexico in 1994. (We already had 85% free trade with the US. this was a campaign ploy, nothing more, nothing less)
-Abortion Rights: A Supreme Court decision paves way for abortion on demand on January 28, 1988. (We have no law. It is legal becaus it isn't illegal).
-Quebec Referendum II: Quebecers narrowly reject separation, with 50.6 per cent voting No on Jan. 28, 1988. (Pierre Trudeau is a dickhead, nuff said about that one)
-Anti-Terrorism Act: Passed by the Liberal government of Canada on December 18, 2001. (I would define Canada by its hand job legislation to meet American requests, so yeah sure, this defines Canada, or is at least symbolic of Canada)
-Same-Sex Marriage: The Civil Marriage Act enacted on July 20, 2005, legalizing same-sex marriage across Canada. (Is it just me, really? I can't take this anymore. FUCK WHOEVER YOU WANT, JUST SHUT UP)
-War in Afghanistan: Canada’s increased military major role in southern Afghanistan in 2006 leads to several dozen combat deaths over the course of a year and a half, sparking calls for the country to abandon the conflict (If it was 1995, this list would have Bosnia on it, that is how definitive this event is in our history. For the record, an event where several dozen Canadians die in a hositlie evironment over 18 months is called Toronto)

How do you define Canada, well The Citizen clearly defines it Gay, Women and Quebec. Sounds like Saturday night on St.Catherine. See you later, I am going to the bar.

Definitive 200 - comparisons be damned - it's the issues bitch

Before I start I have to say that I think some perspective and distance is necessary to judge whether or not an album can be defined as definitive. Saying that I think any album on a definitive list has to be at least 10 years old. To be definitive I think it has to cross a generation. Your older brother has to play it for you, or some older guy needs to tell you that "if you like those guys, well you'll love this."

Also, we can't trust ourselves. We need time and space and a lack of top 40 radio play to judge whether or not the "summer song of 2002" holds up. I am talking about MmBop here. While not on the list I think the band Aqua qualifies as a perfect example. Nobody sold more albums than those idiots, yet those albums were a fad and definitive of nothing. That is what time and distance would give us when evaluating whether or not "complicated" by Avril Lavigne is definitive or the worst written, ryhm laddened shit the world has ever seen. I don't think we can be sure if "complicated" is worthy of note or a simple SHUT THE FUCK UP BITCH.

With that in mind the definitive 200 list actually contains 157 albums.

When you see that 25% of of the list dissapears based simply on age, in a grouping spanning roughly 40 years, it becomes pretty clear that some decades didn't get enough recognition simply because the writers had to save room for 25% or an equal share of each decade.

I think it is also fair to elliminate soundtracks from the list based on the lists own requirement that no greatest hits be included. Soudtracks are little more than greatest hits collections and it is certainly not fair to compare a GH package against an album. "Purple rain" can stay and unfortunately so can "a star is born".

So the definitive 200 now contains 148 albums.

All of that and most of the 65 albums I would toss are still there. Like I said, maybe 70 could make the cut in a sane list.

Another small beef with the list is that some artists appear 3 or more time for reasons difficult to determine. For instance; Metallica has 3 albums in the top 200 of all time... I like Metallica, but that seems high. I think even the worlds biggest Metallica fan would argue that 3 is a little high when discussing the 200 of ALL TIME. Prince also has 3 albums on the list. Again, I think as much as I like Prince, if you don't have a Velvet Underground album you maybe able to sacrifice 1 Prince album. Again Jay-z, clearly influential...borrowing/sampling his way through a career appears three times. Stevie Wonder appears once. A guy whose biggest hit is with Beyonce or a redub of the Annie musical may not qualify as 'definitive' in the face of Steveie Wonder. Just saying.

Eminem gets two albums, personally I believe his debut was huge, shit we had not heard before, not style or musically, but the lyrics. This is an album I could make an exception to the ten year rule for. 'Kill you' stands out to me as a song that I can't believe was recorded, but I am happy it was. Amazing stuff, but his other album on the chart also released in 2000 screams of duplication, as every album he has put out since feels like a shallow copy. Including the lesser album from the same year seems like a HUGE watse of a place considering other omissions, see Velvet Underground.

Anita Baker also gets two albums, one which is called the blueprint for Whitney Houston and Toni Braxton the other #188 is described like this in the lists own review "... Rhythm of Love, which is so embellished with slides, moans and trills it's often difficult to find the songs underneath it all. " Sure, put it on the list. That makes a lot of sense.

Beyonce Knowles appears on 2 albums, one solo and one with Destiny's child. I think that is a little much considering the Ramones don't appear. And what about the Guess Who? If you want to talk mainstream rock and roll, success and lasting impact, they are it. I know, more fat old white guys, so to be a bit more modern and hopefull mor efair I have to wonder where PM Dawn's big album is? Everyone talks about that record to this day. Clearly influential. Or where the hell is a Sly and the Family Stone record?

One thing that really bothers me about the list is that they include a few jazz albums for no apperent reason. The list clearly reads as Beatlesque rock and new music, with pitty fucks for a few other decades, but then they tack on Miles Davis. Sure, we all love miles, but he sticks out like a sore thumb on this list.

And why are Elvis' sun sessions not considered a GH package? and if they aren't then where is a similar treatment for Chuck Berry or Little Richard? Speaking of Elvis, his first LP makes the list at #147 and is described like this "...changed American music forever. This 1956 collection was Presley's first album proper (and arguably rock's first great LP), a release that both broke him to a national audience and became an enduring piece of pop cultural iconography."

Now, sick of him or not, is there a more definitive rock and roller? This album was it for rock and rolls new generation. Like it said, a classic rock album before there was one. So THE ALBUM that lauched ELVIS. Described by many as his finest finishes life at #147

BEHIND....

all 3 Dixie Chick Albums, the soundtracks to Grease, Saturday night fever, footloose, dirty dancing, Titanic, Top Gun and O'Brother where art thou. How about behind not one, but 2 green day albums, or the clash album that it helped partially inspire? Better still the King sits well back of Celine Dion, Sheryl Crow, Christina Aguilera, Enya, Faith Hill, Norah Jones, Shania Twain, Alanis and JEWEL!

I don't think you can justify this. Sgt. Pepper has held its respect for a very long time. People complain, but it truly was an achievement, but without that first DEFINITIVE Elvis album does any of it happen? I am not saying it is number one, or should be. Time should push it down the list if music does truly progress, but to 147 after the entire artist list of Litlith fair and DIVA's 5. You haven't just ruined your own credibility you have wasted a lot of people's time.

This is just a glimpse into what beat out the ALBUM that started it all.

1. SANTANA – SUPERNATURAL
3. SHANIA TWAIN – COME ON OVER
4. ALANIS MORISSETTE – JAGGED LITTLE PILL
5. NORAH JONES – COME AWAY WITH ME
6. OUTKAST – SPEAKERBOXX-LOVE BELOW
7. DIXIE CHICKS – WIDE OPEN SPACES
8. SOUNDTRACK – GREASE
10. SOUNDTRACK – SATURDAY NIGHT FEVER
11. BON JOVI – SLIPPERY WHEN WET
12. DAVE MATTHEWS BAND – CRASH
13. GREEN DAY – DOOKIE
14. GREEN DAY – AMERICAN IDIOT
15. EMINEM – EMINEM SHOW
16. JEWEL – PIECES OF YOU
17. COLDPLAY – RUSH OF BLOOD TO THE HEAD
18. KID ROCK – DEVIL WITHOUT A CAUSE
19. FAITH HILL – BREATHE
20. LINKIN PARK – HYBRID THEORY
21. MATCHBOX TWENTY – YOURSELF OR SOMEONE LIKE YOU
22. NELLY – COUNTRY GRAMMAR
23. CREED – HUMAN CLAY
24. CLASH – LONDON CALLING (great album, it is included for its cover/influence only)
25. CELINE DION – FALLING INTO YOU
26. SOUNDTRACK – DIRTY DANCING
27. DIXIE CHICKS – HOME
28. SOUNDTRACK – TITANIC
29. KENNY G – BREATHLESS
30. DIXIE CHICKS – FLY
31. MARIAH CAREY – DAYDREAM
32. SOUNDTRACK – TOP GUN
33. CHRISTINA AGUILERA – CHRISTINA AGUILERA
34. SOUNDTRACK – O BROTHER WHERE ART THOU?
35. ENYA – DAY WITHOUT RAIN
36. NATALIE COLE – UNFORGETTABLE WITH LOVE NATALIE COLE
37. SOUNDTRACK – FOOTLOOSE
38. SHERYL CROW – TUESDAY NIGHT MUSIC CLUB

In my opinion 30 of those albums don't belong on a top 500 list, but...

THE ROCK AND ROLL HALL OF FAME believes that those albums trump the spark that started a fire that burned the river in Cleveland and let them build that museum to ignorance.