Wiford Brimley

The movie "the Firm" featured an unlikely villian.

Wilford Brimley.

Is it impossible that he plays a bad guy? No. But is it impossible that he plays the tough guy? Yes it is.

He and his albino henchman tried to ruin Cruise's life in the Firm. He took dirty pictures, muscled him into offices, talked tough and ran after him through the streets. He is fucking 80 years old. The man drove an Oldsmobile Delta 88 as his tough guy car, a Delta 88. Not exactly the car from the Ike Turner song. That was probably Brimley's real car. You know he's got the seats set the way he likes them and if he drives something other than his Silver Stream he ruins his back for a week. Did I mention it was gold?

Tough guy = 1992 Gold Oldsmobile Delta 88.

What the hell was going on in this movie. If Brimley gives you shit, punch him in the kidney and wait for the infection/flu bug that will eventually kill him. Tom Cruise, Mr. Top Gun, Mission Impossible, Mr. Nascar, Irish Boxer etc. etc. couldn't put down Wilford Brimley? This guy was so tough that in the movie he got beat to death by a briefcase. Cruise doesn't even lay a hand on him. What a bunch of pussies. Movie lawyers are all pussies.

The client - Susan Surandon - beat up a couple of times
Pelican Brief - Julia Roberts - Beat up, chased, boyfriend murdered etc.
Erin Brockovich - Albert Finney - Julia Roberts pushed him around
Rainmaker - Matt Damond - watched his lady get beat up, then he gets his ass kicked and then let the girlfriend kill the ex-husband him so he didn't have to take the heat.
A Time to Kill - Matthew McConaughey - enough said
Pretty Woman - Jason Alexander - This is a stretch, but he was deathly affraid of his wife and beats up women.

I could go on

Here is what I imaging the preproduction meeting that got Brimley hired went like

Sydney Pollack -
Gene Hackman can play the security guy

Tom Cruise -
No he is too old. The French Connection was like thirty years ago, get real. Make him my mentor.

Pollack -
Fine Tom, but then who plays the tough guy?

Cruise -
You know who is scaring the shit out of me these days? The guy from the oatmeal commercials. You know, he's all in your face with his hot fucking cereal. "Eat it, it's good for you". Now get somebody like him, tough and scary.

P.A.-
Wilford Brimley? Isn't he the spokes person for the AARP?

Pollack -
Thank you, that was bugging me, now shut up. He is scary, he'll be perfect. Do you think he can still drive in the state of Louisiana?

As an aside, Brimley did a commerical recently where he played himself playign a cop on a movie set. His stuntman made the jump over the fence and Brimley appeared. Well now he is 90 and the idea of him jumping that fence is so totally fucking crazy, but to make matters worse he goes into a rant about life insurance or some bullshit. A supposed action hero talking about life insurance? Brimley as an action hero?