From the totally obvious files

I fucking hate Texas Holdem'

I know, get in fucking line, but it has crossed into the fucking insane today because some fat guy has interupted my online sports highlights 15 fucking times to advertise a fucking poker web site.

Here is the issue. Sure it's always on TV, but it is the least of the bad bullshit blocking the airwaves, the real issue is the times of the day they show this crap.

I turn to a sports channel (TSN, Sportsnet or Headline sports) and without fail they are showing this fucking crap when they should be showing the highlights from games that just ended. God forbid we be allowed to see highlights for West coast games before 3 AM.

It's all cyclical of course, two years ago it was fucking wrestling every ten minutes, four years ago it was fucking strongman competitions, now its fat guys that watch wrestling while playing cards.

Here's a question..Why do poker players think they look tough wearing sunglasses in a fucking casino? Fat old guys in sports coats and sunglasses look like fat old guys in sport coats and sunglasses, Period.

What has proven even more madening is that the only thing that can cancel the broadcast of a poker game/match whatever they call that shit, is hockey playoff press confrences.

WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. For arguments sake, I'll pretend to be Canadian, and state that I love hockey...the game of hockey. When did press conferences get 2 hours nightly coverage on three major networks? I need a red sox score more than I need to know how the Hurricanes managed to beat Buffalo. Simple geography and a class in sociology would seem to have answered that question years ago, so why do I need NICK FUCKING KYPREOS to explain it to me.

Fuck Kyper and fuck Poker

Debunking the Mario Lemieux Myth

The myth is not a question of his talent skill etc., etc. I am sick of that issue. He was a talented son of a bitch; he just wasn't as good as the great one. Points, Championships, effect on the game (rules, expansion) Wayne Gretzky was a revolution in a game that the Philadelphia Flyers had made into a bit of a joke.

The Mario Lemieux myth is that he achieved more in his career, namely 2 Stanley cups with less help than Wayne Gretzky. Essentially assholes will tell you that Mario did it alone and Wayne rode the backs of a core of Hall of Famers.

The problem in breaking this idea is that the Edmonton Oilers up until the Paul Coffey trade are like a triumvirate of Greek God's, an untouchable entity accepted as the Murder's row of hockey. 20 Hall of Famers skating around the greatest player of all-time.

I reality, there was a very young group of 6-7 guys EXCELLENT hockey players surrounded by marginal veterans. The memory lane Oilers are incredible because they were all top five players at their position (all-time) statistically speaking. We are so fascinated with the early Oilers because what are the odds that 4 of the greatest players of all-time would be on the same team at the same level of age and experience as the GREATEST hockey player of all-time. It is a little freaky, and it was pretty fucking cool.

When you think about the Islanders before them (a much more talented team) or the Canadiens before them, you think young guys and core hard nosed veterans. These two teams featured deep veteran leadership, talented as all get out, with young superstars. The Oilers didn't have that. They had super talented kids playing a game that had to carry around the ancient veterans that burden all expansion teams like Christ and the cross.

That said the young players were incredible. Moog, Coffey, Kurri and Anderson all had their rookie year in 1980. Gretzky, Messier and Lowe all had they rookie (NHL) year in 1979 and Grant Fuhr arrived in 1981. The core group, the guys we all love to remember, entered the league within 2 years of one another. A year later they were playing for the Stanley cup. That is fucking incredible.

Before we start we have to accept as a given that the Oilers had 4 sure fire Hall of Famers (already in the Hall) and 3 others that have a great chance of getting in. Moog (Fuhr was the starter), Lowe (Didn't score on a high powered offence) and Anderson (no 500 goals, limited offence without Gretzky) are probably hurt by the fact that they played on this team. They belong in the Hall (maybe not Anderson, but that is a different story) but they aren't there yet.

So Gretzky had some talent around him, but the Oilers real success came when they built a supporting cast of no names and late additions to work with and cover up after the superstars. Role players who were comfortable in their role (Muni, Gregg, Huddy etc.).

Now on to Mario Lemieux. This is an open and shut case that barely warrants a paragraph, but I am going to beat you to death with the facts so I never have to hear this bullshit again.

First and foremost accept as fact that Mario Lemieux did not play in the playoffs until his 5th season in the league. So a guy who had to do it alone couldn't do it alone until his 5th season. In his 6th season Lemieux was back on the outside looking in. 6 NHL seasons 1 playoff appearance. GREAT.

So the guy who "did it alone" had nothing to work with so his team couldn't make the playoffs. That is a popular belief and a HUGE reason why people think Lemiuex was a guy carrying the Penguins.

Truth be told, while Gretzky was saddled with great veterans like Blair MacDonald, Wayne Chipperifeld, Dave Lumley, Pat Price ETC. (No I am not being selective this is what Gretzky had to work with in 1979 & 1980). Mario Lemieux "doing it all himself" got the services of -

Rick Kehoe 50 goal scorer
Charlie Simmer 50 goal scorer
Mike Bullard 50 goal scorer
Wayne Babych 50 goal scorer

Were these guys at their prime when Lemiuex walked into the dressing room? No (Bullard was), but they almost were and the Penguins who were basically bankrupt when Lemieux arrived, to their credit, went out to get guys who had proven that they could put the puck into the net. Did Lemieux elevate any of these guys to old glory? Fuck no, Blair MacDonald scored 46 goals in his year as Gretzky's wing mate while Mike Bullard (penguins leading scorer in 1984 51 goals) went down to 32 thanks to Lemieux, he went back to 48 goals as soon as he left the Pens if that is any indicator.

On top of guys like that, Lemiuex also had a nice crop of young guys to work with. Randy Cunneyworth, Doug Bodger, Andy Brickley, Dave Hannan to name a few. In addition, a young Craig Simpson (50 goals) arrived in Lemieux's third year, after that came John Cullen and Rob Brown. Decent guys who scored 100 plus points or scored 50 goals.

So this was Lemiuex's first six years with the Penguins, 1 playoff appearance and that's about it. Then something magical happened, the Penguins won the Stanley cup 2 years in a row. All of Lemieux's "doing it himself" paid off....or did it?

You have seen the 1980's Penguins so what was different in the 1990's?

How about the fact that the Penguins had 5 current Hall of Famers on the team. Remember that Gretzky played with 5 current Hall of Famers when he won his cups. Consider as well that without Gretzky a few of them would have had no chance at the hall. Lemieux's Hall of Famers made their careers somewhere else and spent large parts of their careers as hired guns. Their Careers were not reliant on Mario Lemieux. Whether fair or not Anderson and Kurri are always going to have to live with the fact that people believe their production disappeared after Gretzky left (true in Anderson's case). In other words he made them Hall of Famers (If Anderson gets in, he can only thank Gretzky).

Lemieux's Hall of Fame help

Bryan Trottier (500 goals, Rookie of the year, 6 Stanley Cups, Art Ross Trophy winner)
Joe Mullen (500 goals first American ever)
Paul Coffey (Sounds familiar, but can't quite place him)
Larry Murphy (3rd highest scoring defenseman of all time after that other guy Coffey somebody)

Leadership, goal scoring, defence and power play quarterbacks. I wonder if these guys had anything to do with the Penguins beating the Minnesota North Stars in the Stanley Cup final?

Hall of Fame hired guns aside what else may have put the Penguins over the top? How about 4 more future Hall of Famers or the Kurri, Messier, Anderson and Fuhr of the Penguins generation-

Ron Francis (2nd all-time in assists)
Jaromir Jagr (5 time scoring Champion)
Mark Recchi (1200 pts, 50 goals seasons etc.)
Tom Barrasso (Calder, Vezina winner 300 wins etc.)

Still not convinced that Lemieux may not have won his two cups against the Blackhawk’s and North Stars alone? Well what if I add two guy who basically fucked themselves out of the Hall and two big fucking defensemen?

Rick Tocchet (Captained the Flyers twice, 950 career pts. Tocchet would have got is in my opinion if not for the recent allegations)
Kevin Stevens (consecutive 50 goal seasons - 123pts with 250 PIM's one year, horrible injury created huge career and lifestyle problems, still 330 goals in 800 games)
Ulf Sammuelson (The Penguins don't deserve their first cup solely because of this man, or they won only because of the act of this man)
Kjell Samuelsson

You have to stop somewhere on this list and I guess this is where it has to come to an end because if you can't see that the acquisitions of proven Hall of Famers and the development of sure fired future Hall of Famers got Lemieux his Cups, well you're a retard.

Minus the two given talents of Gretzky and Lemieux, on paper at least (not chemistry, not dressing room, on paper) The first Pittsburgh Penguin team to win the Stanley cup was better, far better than the Edmonton Oiler winners. They had more Hall of Famers, more experienced veterans, better defence and better role players.

Lemieux was just the most exciting piece of a very good team.

Myth Busted...

San Jose - Welcome to Thornton Country

Joe Thornton was on the ice for both Oiler goals last night pushing him to minus four (perhaps he is already working on his golf score card. Wrong way for hockey Joe).

Well, I was a little worried that San Jose might win the whole fucking thing and I would have to listen to a story about how badly the Bruins fucked up. Victory is mine.

11 games – 9 points – 2 – goals - 5 power play points – 4 points in losses - minus 4

Thanks for contributing Joe. So you see hockey experts, Thornton didn’t hate Boston, he
just hates trying.

Joe Thornton Playoff Genius

Hey guess what!

Joe Thornton has 5 points so far in the 2006 playoffs. He is an impressive minus 2, and has zero even strength points.

He has the most ice time amongst San Jose forwards and is second only to Scott Hannah in team ice time.

He is the only San Jose player other than Nils Ekman (oh yeah that guy) to have a minus rating.

MVP, MVP, MVP!

Wait a minute, that isn't very fucking good. Well it's nice to see things don't chnage regardless of coast.

If you listen to the experts, covering him is opening up space for Marleau. Maybe, but maybe its more likley that he doesn't play well in tight coverage and his production is in fact fucking pathetic for the MVP elect and the leading scorer in the NHL.

STOP MAKING EXCUSES, HE GOT TRADED FOR BEING LAZY AND GUESS WHAT, NOTHING HAS CHANGED.

Update- with a big assist in last nights loss, Thornton now has 4 even strength points, but it still minus 2 with 9 total points. That is 9 points in 10 games.

How about 5 of his nine points coming in his teams 4 losses?

Remember early on in the season when I said that, sure he was getting points, but they never meant anything? Well guess what? Thornton has 2 goals in the playoffs (one in each series), one of those was in a loss and you can add 4 assists in 4 losses. So yeah the guy is technically a point a game player, like he was at the start of the year with Boston, but the points aren't good for anything. When you get more than half your points from assists in games that your team losses, I am unimpressed.

At least by getting to the second round the Sharks can afford his $6 million salary. That's more than he ever did for the Bruins.

Hockey Pundits are Douche bags

Well the first round of the playoffs are over and one thing is for sure. If you wear a suit on a sports channel and talk about hockey, you're a fucking moron.

The Bruins have basically been whipping boys all winter long and they are finally at peace because they are out of the playoffs.

As a fan this has given me time to reflect on what the douche bag, moron, asshole said would have saved the Bruins season.

Basically, during the offseason the Bruins had a shopping list and for the most were beat out by other teams for all of their player hopefuls. This allowed pundits to say that the season was doomed from day one. Maybe they're right, but maybe in a much more accurate way, the best thing that could have happened to the Bruins was not signing some of the noteable high priced free agents taht they went after.

Just a thought, but the teams that went after the high priced talent are right where the Bruins are now.

Hey, Mike Modanno. Thanks for the nice regular season. Goals, assist, you still have the touch. Your team had 112 pts this season, but guess what, you're out in the first round. You know what else your team has that the Bruins don't have? Good question, the Bruins don't have two 36 year old guys who make more than $5 million a season. Call the Bruins cheap and stupid, but they were smart to send Geurin and his contract packing (a contract that Dallas has been looking ot dump for 3 years) and got lucky when you dicked them around to get more money out of Dallas. One thing the Bruins don't need is more old slow Americans taking up 25% of the annual salary cap.

What about the real loss of the preseason when the Bruins didn't win the Foresberg sweepstakes? Best player in the world right? Well apart from the fact that a hard fart would sideline this medicine ball for three weeks, the Flyers looked awful after the Olympic break and looked even worse in the playoffs. Their team leader, leading scorer heart and soul etc., etc., etc. Basically this guy is one sixth of the teams salary and they looked old and slow because of it.

These are minor points of course because as the douche bag, moron, asshole, jackoffs would tell you these teams made the playoffs. Well I'll tell you that 3 home games won't pay off the incredible expense of the afore mentioned "gems" and for the fans, losing int he first round hurts even more than not making it at all.

PS. I love that the Habs blew a 2-0 lead. Does it erase the memory of the Bruins blowing a 3-1 lead? No, only Joe Thornton's 4 big points and minus 2 rating will do that.

Don't even try to tell me that covering him opens up space for other teammates. Gretzky never seemed to have a problem finding the net, neither did Jagr, or Messier, or Yzerman, or Lemieux. If this guy was the "ELITE" player he is advertised to be, he would find the fucking net. Of course to do that you would have to skate and hit, but Joe Thornton and playoff performer are not used very often in the same sentence without "HUGE FUCKING DISSAPPOINTMENT!".

Your MVP lady's and gentlemen. I know, he had a great second half.