Fowler better than Heskey, so shut up

Just read an article suggesting Emile Heskey is "Back in form"

Well, there is nobody in the English game I hate more than Heskey. Mark Viduka is a close second, but Heskey cost Robbie Fowler his Liverpool spot (I am over the moon that he is back) and for that I will always hate him. All Viduka ever did was play jealous and refuse under any circumstance to pass the ball to Fowler. Leeds lost more games because of Viduka than I care to mention.

To go back to topic. the idea that Heskey is worth mentioning as a player fior England is laughable. He is at least the worst player (after McMannana) to suit up for England in the last 10 years. Just to show that I am not some crack pot here is the proof on Heskey.

Over the past six seasons:

Robbie Fowler has scored 53 goals
Emile Heskey has scored 52 goals

essentially the same, no REAL difference, except that over the last 6 seasons

Fowler has played 152 games
Heskey has played 240 games

Opps, somebody sucks

Of his 152 games Fowler started 112 games (a goal every 2 starts)
Of his 240 games Heskey started 195 games (a goal every 4 starts)

Here is where it gets weird. During that time Liverpool, a fantastic club, got rid of Fowler because they prefered Heskey (there were other reasons, but they prefered their Owen/Heskey matchup). Once he left, Liverpool took a nose dive, he comes back, the team rebounds.

During that same 6 years

Heskey played 19 international games for England (13 starts) scoring 1 goal

while

Fowler played 4 international games for England (all as a sub) scoring 2 goals

What the fuck is going on in the world? How does this sack of shit get on the pitch ahead of Fowler?

Heskey has scored a tidy 14 of his goals in 43 games of cup competition

Fowler has 8 goals in cup in 18 games of cup competition over the same 6 year period.

What I am tying to illustrate here is that even in the "Down" part of his career, Fowler still scores at a rate of a goal every 2 starts regardless of team or competition, while the best Heskey could muster was 1 goal every 3 games in cup competitions and a measley 1 goal every 4 games in league competition, or worse still 1 goal every 20 games for England.

The reason I mention this is because it has been mentioned that after scoring 1 goal for fucking Wigan, Heskey is back in the running for a spot on the England squad. This garbage picker could not hold Fowler's hat at the coat check and still they talk about him playing for England.

CRAZY.

Fowler never got a fair shake on the International scene, give him a shot before you drag that old sack of Heskey out.

Quotes from my weekend

I love watching war documentaries and shows about battles and what have you. I prefer information on the First World War (personal preference), but Second World War stuff is always more available for obvious reasons (more journalists, cameras, American involvement, better story, etc.).

This weekend I watched a couple of American documentaries about allied bombing in WWII made in the 1960's. Aside from the usual bullshit about how America won the war and how much braver American pilots were for waging a daytime campaign, the host of the documentary said the following:

"Americans found British carpet bombing tactics barbaric."

Holy shit...

There are a few ways to go with this statement, aside from your feelings on carpet bombing. Because I was too angry I couldn't see anyway to go except on the offensive, so while trying to figure out how loud to yell and what to punch the documentary host said the following:

"American bombing in Japan was not designed to kill Japanese citizens, but to end their will to fight."

FFFUUUUCCCCKKKK! Well at least now I know which way to go on this. So who do I punch first?

Let's start clearly. The guy who made the film is probably dead (rot in hell). The US government had little to nothing to do with the film, and finally I point back to earlier statements. I do not hate the US, I hate its own atrifical image of itself. There is nothign wrong with Americans or the US, except for what we see on TV.

So what we know from Joe documentary is...

Using incendiary bombs in urban neighbourhoods that were KNOWN to be made up of primarily wood structures against an enemy that never actually attack you was NOT barbaric, but defending your homeland ALONE using every able bodied person in anything you could find that could fly was barbaric? I am sorry, but I don't get it. In a street fight, where it is you or them (remember all of Europe was gone and who was left?) ANYTHING FUCKING GOES.

What part of the United States was under attack by the Japanese during the Second World War?

And don't say fucking Hawaii. Japan took the bait on Hawaii and America got its war in Europe. Ever wonder about that one? How Japan and Germany were suddenly common enemies? Oh yeah, they had that one secret meeting. There is an Axis if I ever saw one.

Fuck the threat to shipping, the "bottom line" was under attack in Europe and America needed in. Enter Japan and a war against China that nobody gave two shits about for TEN FUCKING YEARS.

So for bombing a military installation on a plantation the Americans responded by doing what? Burning Japan and its citizens to the ground, well that certainly wasn't barbaric.

To me, all is fair in love and war. The worst thing you can do is tell people how many people are dying everyday. Tell me when it's over. If you want to win, kill them all, then kill the ones that look at you crooked and then get the fuck out of there. Don't rebuild, don't try and civilize. Terrorize and leave.

I say all of this so you know that when an American documentary takes credit for winning the Second World War, liberating the people, saving the world and so on, I get a little pissed.

BUT, when they say that British military tactics were cowardly and barbaric, I get more than a little angry.

Did they bomb cities, sure, but where were the factories? Did they miss? Yes, but accuracy was not exactly the strength of the WWII bomber. Numbers like 1 in 10 hit close to their target speak to the accuracy. Did they target cities? Sure they did, so what? It's called tit for tat, or for you religious fairies, an eye for an eye.

As for idea that the British Air force was cowardly, we now know that the air force and its pilots were stretch to the limits, so much so that it is widely believed they were days from collapse at points during the Battle for Britain. So flying at night to save lives and planes, I am going to say was a necessity, not cowardly.

But remember something huge here when we take about Britain and Germany and WWII.

Unlike WWI, Britain was not looking for a fight in 1939. Much to their detriment, they tried to avoid one. Our wonderful Russia allies were in fact in bed (not really, but on paper) with Hitler until 1942. France gave up without a fight and even Vichy France was in bed with Germany. The free part of France actually fought British efforts to take supplies and ships to help in the effort to repatriate France. Before they rolled over and died they tried to limit British bombing to make sure that the German's didn't bomb Paris, so they were a huge help. Our American friends were Neutral (so to speak) until Basically 1942, so for the first 3 years of the war, 3 out of 5 members of the future UN Security Council (the most powerful countries in the world) were useless (I know you American pigs gave us intelligence and hardware and money, blah, blah, blah, BUT remember you made a fortune on that "help" so thanks, BUT).

Anyway, my point here is that to suggest Britain's acts were in anyway barbaric when it stood alone against a collapsing Europe is ridiculous. Britain was under constant attack, not threat of attack, not weather balloons with bombs tied to them attack, actual fucking attack. Something America never really experienced.

Think what happened when some terrorists blew up 2 buildings in New York City, America stepped up its war to destroy the fabric of the Middle East. All for 2 fucking buildings, with the same logic, Britain could have blown up Ireland for the attacks on Britain’s financial district or the Canary Warf or the...

the list is fucking endless in this case, but the point is valid. Why they didn't is an even better story (coughing) American money and support. (And not for the British).

As for WWII, Britain's capital was under attack everyday for years. I think in perspective, carpet bombing Hamburg and Dresden is not quite "Barbaric". Especially when you consider that the documentary in question was made right around the time America went to South East Asia and began a campaign of carpet bombing specifically targeting non combatants in countries that America wasn't actually at war with (Loas, Cambodia).

Don't throw fucking stones is my point here, your high road is eight miles below the surface and paved with the blood of pour people, from all sides.

Moustaches and children don't mix

I just watched a TV show where custody of an orphaned child was decided between two brothers.

Fair enough, a choice between equals. One uncle lived alone on a farm and the other lived with his wife in the city. The young girl went to the city.

That is okay, but they gave custody to a man with a moustache. The other uncle was clean shaven. Turns out the famr guy was a gem and the city uncle sold the girl into sex slavery. This was like a light in the dark for me.

I don't care what type of wrath I incure, I am just going to say it.

In a custody battle, gay/straight/husband/wife/gaurdian/friend the child should always go to the peson without the moustache. Case closed.

My brain leaked out

I am a simple man. I find all of the following things funny - retards (not the mentally challeneged, they definitely are not funny, those PC Assholes), human suffering, funny noises and TWIN JOKES.

Send me some twin jokes, preferably involving retards that are suffering and making noises while doing it.

I can write the future PART 1

I have always had the power to predict the future.

"Why aren't you a millionaire" you are asking yourself?

Good question.

I don't know why we assume that the ability to see, predict or affect the future is tied to lotto winnings. My ability is very specific and involves an essentially useless, but pleasant skill. I have the ability to think of a movie, in like a "I wish that movie was on TV tonight", kind of way and have that movie be broadcast within 2 weeks. And yes, I am serious. For instance, I thought of "New Waterford Girl" two weeks ago and it was broadcast 7 days later. If I thought of "For the love of the game" last week it would be broadcast somewhere for me to see this week, or early next (I'll let you know what happens, my heart really wasn't in that).

This ability won't win me millions in lotto money, but I don't really have to rent that many old movies. Generally when I get a feeling about a film, I tell my wife and two weeks later she says "Shut up" when CB4 is on PIX. It happens a lot, and no I don't read TV guide.

In a moderately related, but incredibly freaky example of this type of power, I was in a bar last year that was playing the worst music ever. Their soundtrack was like 1991-1993 and not in a good way. Anyway, after 6 beers I said "This is the worst shit I have ever heard, but you know I could do with hearing 'Motown Philly'. " Well 2 songs later there is was. That one was crazy because it was immeditae, witht he movie thing after two weeks or waiting for a movie, I am never really up for it the way I was when I thought of it.

Like I said, it is a limited ability, of little use to anyone but me, but it is the ability to see, predict, or affect the future in even the slightest way. I have always wanted to develop my skill and lately I think it is working. I can bitch about something in my office and it will be fixed or addressed that day without my asking. Or I can bitch out a co-worker and without fail that person will come around the corner mid sentence. It is like I am being bugged. I seem to have “foot in mouth" powers. Obliviously, career wise, this one is much less useful than the movie thing.

On a more positive note, of late, when I write something, letter to the editor or a blog, I seem to get the answer, or have it thrown at me within days. I have two examples today. In a blog post last week I told environmentalists to fuck off and die, and they answered me today. I was basically super pissed that nobody talks about the ozone hole anymore. Well my calls have been answered. Dusting off the "What I cared about in 1994" almanac, scientists have released this story.... I guess we'll hear back in 2065

http://edition.cnn.com/2006/TECH/science/08/18/ozone.hole.ap/index.html

Scientists: Ozone layer recovery will take longer
Friday, August 18, 2006 Posted: 1407 GMT

Scientists now say it will take until 2065 for the ozone layer to recover and the hole over the Antarctic to close. GENEVA, Switzerland (AP) --
The atmosphere will take up to 15 years longer than previously expected to recover from pollution and repair its ozone hole over the southern hemisphere, the United Nations' weather organization said Friday.

Thinning in the ozone layer -- due to chemical compounds leaked from refrigerators, air conditioners and other devices -- exposes the Earth to harmful solar rays. Too much ultraviolet radiation can cause skin cancer and destroy tiny plants at the beginning of the food chain.

Scientists said Friday it would take until 2065, instead of 2050 as previously expected, for the ozone layer to recover and the hole over the Antarctic to close.

"The Antarctic ozone hole has not become more severe since the late 1990s, but large ozone holes are expected to occur for decades to come," ozone specialist Geir Braathen told reporters in summarizing a new report by the World Meteorological Organization and the U.N. Environment Program. The report will be released next year.

The ozone hole, a thinner-than-normal area in the upper stratosphere's radiation-absorbing gases, has formed each year since the mid-1980s at the end of the Antarctic winter in August, and generally is at its biggest in late September. Experts said they extended the projected recovery because chlorofluorocarbons, or CFCs, would continue to leak into the atmosphere from air conditioners, aerosol spray cans and other equipment for years to come. But there was cause for celebration, they said, noting a decline in CFCs in the first two atmospheric layers above Earth.

"The level of ozone-depleting substances continues to decline from its 1992-1994 peak in the troposphere and the late 1990s peak in the stratosphere," WMO secretary-general Michel Jarraud said in a statement. Less of these chemicals are used every year, he said, after 180 countries in 1997 committed to reducing CFCs under the Montreal Protocal.

"This shows that the Montreal Protocol is effective and is working," he said.

Last year, the ozone hole reached about 27 million square kilometers (10 million square miles) on September 20 -- just below its largest size in 2003 of about 29 million square kilometers (11.2 million square miles), WMO experts said.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Now you know, smart ass

I can write the future PART 2

I wrote to the Ottawa Citizen last week, blasting the OPP for their lack of actual police work. Suggesting they are nothing but glorified meter maids. Well instead of printing my article the Ottawa Citizen has written a story about why the OPP can't do any fucking real police work. The title should have been, "Defend Yourself! King Normandy is Pissed Off!"

I am a conspiracy theorist, but even if I wasn't, I would say, I've got one here. This story is a little too coincidental given the timing of their police blitz and my letter. Hopefully, I was the spark for some of the bogus calls.

Bogus emergency calls pour into OPP office

http://www.canada.com/ottawacitizen/news/story.html?id=ad69e21c-27a1-4733-bfea-e5d8b1e9873d&k=44679

Lance Crossley, The Ottawa CitizenPublished: Monday, August 21, 2006
The OPP Eastern Communications Centre in Smiths Falls received 52 bogus calls during a 24-hour period last week, including one call from a boy complaining to the operator that he wanted his lunch.

"When people say to us, 'Why aren't you out there fighting crime?' Well it may be because you misdialed 911," said OPP Sgt. Don Killens.

On its website, the OPP said that in a 24-hour period ending early Friday afternoon, 40 per cent of all 911 calls received -- a total of 52 -- were deemed not to be emergencies. These included 21 calls from children playing with phones. Each time a 911 call is received, be it bogus or not, an officer is required to investigate.

False emergencies eat up more time during the night, said Sgt. Killens, because the department doubles up officers to respond to calls. The frustration can mount even further when you factor in the geographic distances some OPP officers must travel in order to respond to a call.
Sgt. Killens said officers are often assigned to multiple events at once and have to prioritize, and because 911 is considered an emergency, false calls can often pull them away from more important matters.

"If they have a car collision, they would go to the 911 call, even though there may be injuries," he said. "It's difficult for the officers to manage their work when they are responding to 911 calls and the majority are not emergencies."

Earlier this year, the OPP's eastern region reported getting 862 misdialled calls for January and February. That figure did not even include misguided calls, which can border on comically ignorant.

The OPP has reported getting calls ranging from complaints about barking dogs to people asking for directions. Some callers have told operators they are just testing out their speed dials.
Sgt. Killens said he hopes people will stop programming 911 into their speed dials, especially since the whole idea of launching 911 was to give the public a quick and easy-to-dial emergency number.

"It causes officers to waste their time and to be used ineffectively, when they could be doing other things."

Ottawa Citizen is affraid of the truth - Fuck the OPP

I sent this letter to the Citizen last week fully expecting it NOT to be published. Well surprise, surprise, they didn't.

Anyway here is the story about a little man and a terrible wasteful police force. Truth is I write the same basic letter every year knowing they won't publish it.

Another long weekend and more evidence that the OPP is little more than a parasitic organization designed to find the government yet another way to take money for taxpayers. I love that the OPP try top cover up their cash grab efforts by calling it a “Traffic Blitz designed to improve traffic safety”. As if the goal of this effort was genuinely to try and make roads safer. Revenue generation was the goal of this blitz, case closed.

Their early statistics list four types of offences, however, only two of them have anything to do with actual safety. Worse still is that out of the impressive 1,300 tickets issued province wide, only 62 had to do with those offences. So speeding, the easiest to catch and least “unsafe” of the bunch made up 70% of all fines issued and no doubt the seat belt infractions were all discovered during a speed stop so up that to 90%. So 90% of all traffic stops were speed related. So are our roads any safer?

News flash; speed has nothing to do with safety. Our speed limit was designed to maximize the fuel economy of cars built in the 1960’s and 70’s, not to save lives. That is a simple fact. Crash into a wall at 100 Km’s per hour, if you survive do it again at 130 km and tell me the difference. Don’t even for a minute talk to me about “reaction time” it has so many variables that negate the effects of velocity it is not even worth mentioning. In a perfect world with all things equal, like weather, car condition, visibility, road condition, driving style etc. etc. you could make an argument for “reaction time”, but unfortunately all things are not equal. Example: the guy was drunk, his break lights do not work, it was raining and you did not signal because you were on a cell phone, all of these things factor into an accident, all are safety issues and none of them have anything to do with speeding. Oh yeah, and only 62 people got tickets for them.

Believe me when I say that the government lowered our speed limit to save on gas during the 70’s. Today the 100 KM limit is an excuse to hand out tickets. Every car built today can travel safely at 140Km per hour, every single one, and they still get better gas mileage than a 1976 Malibu.

So an organization that we pay for, as taxpayers, fined 1,200 people for doing what everyone else was doing, setting their cruise control at 125 km per hour. It is even sillier when you think about the province of Ontario, specifically the population core, then think about the service that the OPP provides to that core. Basically nothing, a river rescue here, highway accident there, but that is it. All major cities have their own police force, so we pay these guys a lot of money to give us speeding tickets between the places people actually live.

The worst part of it all is not the $120 fine, it is that the day after they take your money, under bogus circumstances, they tell you that they were providing a service. They call it “safety”. If they really wanted to improve road safety they would close the OPP units in the Ottawa area because people drive like idiots when they see a cruiser on the highway. More importantly, Ottawa cops can and do hand out speeding tickets. At least if they close the OPP units we will only be paying the up keep of one police force, not two.

Royals should be able to grab a little ass

A great line in the movie "unforgiven" has a man named English Bob looking for a fight with American train passangers by suggesting that it was okay to shoot the President of the United States

"After all a President is just a man, who wouldn't shoot him? But a Queen, now that is something entirely different."

On that note...

A new story suggests that Prince Harry was caught on film grabbing a woman's breast. It is being described as the latest scandal in a long line of "Harry" related scandals.

So let me get this straight. A prince grabs a tit (I guarantee the girl didn't care) and we are supposed to be shocked. Since when were royals not allowed to fuck everything that moves? How did we go from Henry the VIII to a prince getting into trouble for grabbing some titty?

I am happy for him and glad he is living the dream, call me when he demands that someone caught off her fucking head. Maybe then I will be a little more upset.