I said "Fuck the Grammys", turns out they fucked themselves - part 1

Part 1 Best New Artist

2006 John Legend – We’ll see, but 1000 – 1 this is it
2005 Maroon 5 – One and out, and that is a lock
2004 Evanescence – Already broke up
2003 Norah Jones – doesn’t write her own music. Obviously totally replacable.
2002 Alicia Keys - maybe
2001 Shelby Lynne – after a 10 year career and five albums, best new artist. Now where is she?
2000 Christina Aguilera – Done and done
1999 Lauryn Hill – Wasn’t she is a band 5 years before this. Done and done.
1998 Paula Cole – The fucking girl for Dawson’s creek? Yeah great.
1997 LeAnn Rimes – Whatever, 1 good song written by someone else and what else
1996 Hootie & the Blowfish – AWSOME, I think they cancelled Friends because of these guys
1995 Sheryl Crow - A girl who plays rock is money in the bank. Besides “All I wanna do” was BULLSHIT
1994 Toni Braxton – Fuck off. Her 2000 comeback has resulted in a number of #98 Billboard singles
1993 Arrested Development – One and out. Opps I forgot the unplugged album. Sorry Mr. Wendell
1992 Marc Cohn –Shot in the face. Obviously somebody hated walking in Memphis as much as me.
1991 Mariah Carey – Tommy Matolha you asshole. If it is bad in music, this is the problem.
1990 Milli Vanilli (revoked) – Their shit holds up better than everybody else so far. Ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba BABY
1989 Tracy Chapman – One album, ten years later a follow up. Good, but…
1988 Jody Watley – Greatest hits sold 100,000 copies. Enough said.
1987 Bruce Hornsby & the Range – Oh Canada, bullshit
1986 Sade – Hot, clunks one out everyonce and a while. Maybe.
1985 Cyndi Lauper – I love the album, but she was a one and done. Everything else she has done since with the exception of I drove all night, was shit
1984 Culture Club – does he win if they could prove he was gay? They had a great three year run. Thanks
1983 Men at Work - Broke up after the first record
1982 Sheena Easton - GARBAGE, except for marrying Sonny on Miami Vice
1981 Christopher Cross – One and done
1980 Rickie Lee Jones – Fucking awful. One fucking song about a guy she was banging
1979 A Taste of Honey – One SONG and done
1978 Debby Boone – come on, Christian artists just prove White people are useless
1977 Starland Vocal Band – I don’t even know how to respond to this
1976 Natalie Cole – took 25 years to get anything out of her and she just ripped off her dad
1975 Marvin Hamlisch - Composer? I don't get it
1974 Bette Midler – Best comedy album, okay. Loudest buck toothed bitch, sure.
1973 America – The horses name was Neil Young, stop ripping him off.
1972 Carly Simon - Absolutely, no problem
1971 Carpenters – fuck off, glad she's dead
1970 Crosby, Stills & Nash – Not my bag, but okay
1969 Jose Feliciano - whatever
1968 Bobbie Gentry – again, whatever
1967 none. Excuse me?

Here is the real problem. Is somebody trying to tell me that in 1966 – 1969 these were the BEST new artists. Not Hendrix, the Doors, Zeppelin, Pink Floyd, even the fucking Bee-Gee’s for christ sake. These guys. Sure. We all get things wrong, but this worng?

1966 Tom Jones – The best Vegas has to offer, on a Tuesday night
1965 The Beatles – Do you think? This was probably a close vote.
1964 Ward Swingle (The Swingle Singers) – String Quartet. Sure, one quartet is always better than the other
1963 Robert Goulet –The best Atlantic city has to offer on a Wednesday afternoon
1962 Peter Nero – A guy named Bob Dylan released his first album in 1962, you be the judge.
1961 Bob Newhart – Probably the most successful of all the Best New artists.
1960 Bobby Darin – Splish Splash 1958. He was writing and recording in the mid 50’s so fuck off.

In 46 years only 13 of these artists could even be considered acceptable. Nice job.