USA, USA, USA!!!!!

The games have come and gone and the news is in.

On paper the Winter Olympics weren't a total disaster for the USA, but they pretty much were a total disaster when you actually look at the memorable winners.

Biggest winner would probably be Sasha Cohen. Silver, figure skating, glamour event, made for TV, fuck off. Well what a test of strength that event is, but I accept that it is an event so she got a silver medal. Except that she fell down twice in the first 30 seconds of her routine and still won the silver. I know they claim to have fixed the judging, but I am sorry, under the old system if you fell once somebody else had to fall twice for you to get a medal. If you fell twice, get up and skate to the boards because your games were over. After falling twice her numbers were still higher than the Canadian girl who didn't fall. Don't give me a weak explanation of attempts and artistry, the Canadian girl was just as good and didn't fall. Sorry USA, but you didn't deserve that medal.

Lots of good press over the Ice Dance win. Well Ice dance sucks and your country's government had to break its own laws to get you that medal so I am taking that one too. You changed the time restrictions on citizenship to allow a Canadian to skate for you so you could win a medal. That is bullshit and so is that medal.

So two big events and your minus 2. (2-25=23)

Women's hockey. World Champions finish in the bronze position. N0 matter what anybody tells you about it being good for the sport, Women's hockey is a 2 country game and if you go in as the favourites and finish 3rd you lost. I'll take that medal too.

You might be wondering why I would take a bronze or deny its validity. Well if it comes in a speed or distance event, then yes you actually won something, but if you win the loser game in an 8 team tournament, I'm sorry but that just won't do. (This does not apply to Curling, that medal for the USA actually was impressive).

Okay, where were we, oh yeah minus 3. (1-23=22)

So what's left...How could I forget the Snowboarding medals, all 8 of them. THAT'S RIGHT EIGHT SNOWBOARDING MEDALS OUT OF 25.

No "if's", "and's", or "but's" I am taking all of them. The entire idea that a country with as much as the US (Money, training, population, Olympic experience, etc.) got one third of its medals from this "NEW" sport is laughable. In one discipline everything is judging so it is already a bullshit event, in another discipline you are allowed to push your opponents off the track making it the only Olympic event where this type of crap is acceptable. Olympics are about one MAN/WOMAN against the clock. The fact that you race against people saves time. Instead of 1 man heats they make space for 8, but in reality, you are racing a clock, or a scale, or a ruler. That is it. There are of course exceptions boxing, judo, fencing etc. But that is a one on one brawl, not a speed race where you can negatively affect the score/time/result of your opponent. Remember, in the Olympics there are no "Opponents/enemy's".

Just to put the cherry on this argument, one of the snowboarding medals was a silver received after the American race leader decided to show off and fell down allowing someone else to win the race. Fucking brilliant, I am going to take that medal twice for sheer stupidity.

Remember that episode of MASH where Hot Lips' husband started cheering before the end of a race and fell into the camouflage and cost Margaret a 3 day pass in Tokyo? Well it doesn't matter if you do because I do and it’s a simple life lesson, don't cheer before the race is over otherwise Hot lips will give you the business.

One third of America's Olympic medals came from Snowboarding. The TV ratings grab thrust into the games by the American's, so they could make money advertising during the games. Do I need to go on? No, Okay, so they are minus 11, what's left? (8-22=14)

Women's bobsled, alright I guess, but it is a brand new event so that is a little weak. But it is a tough event so Okay, Alright you can have it.

I forgot to mention that the moguls medal is gone too. Bullshit, bullshit, bullshit. A timed race with points for ski tricks is not a FUCKING sport or test of one's self.

Minus 12... (1-14=13)

So that is it. Final tally for the USA, in Olympic sports that weren't created for TV audiences or stolen from Canada, 13 medals for the USA, 8th place ahead of South Korea.

So as for the 13 legit medals (speed skating both long and short, Alpine skiing, curling)

The USA won two medals in alpine skiing, but with the pre-event expectations, calling 2 medals a win is hugely inaccurate. This portion of the games was a huge failure for the USA. Thanks again Brody!

Speed Skating went reasonably well with Gold in 2 of the premier events (Men's 500m and 10,000m). However, 4 athletes combined to win 9 medals in speed skating. So without those 4 athletes forgetting everything else I said the USA wins 16 medals. The USA sent over 200 athletes and got 25 medals; if they send 196 they get 16 medals. Not too fucking good.

You're probably thinking, "well Canada won some crappy medals and without one speed skater they would have only won 18 medals". This is true to a degree, but 18 is more than 16, and more importantly, Canada won 24 medals in more different disciplines than any other country. That is huge. Canada won more medals in more different sports than anyone else. They also had more top 5 finishes than anyone else (45) including 13 4th place finishes. Not to get off topic, but I feel so bad for people who finish 4th at the Olympics.

On top of winning at just about everything, Canada had only 2 real bullshit medals, both bronze, in moguls and snowboarding.

Canada may have finished 1 medal behind the USA, but I think it is pretty clear; they blew it during these games. The USA spends more on athlete training than Canada does, it has hosted 4 winter Olympic games. FOUR TIMES, TWICE IN THE SAME CITY, TWICE IN THE LAST 25 YEARS. And last but not least, THERE ARE 270 MILLION AMERICANS AND ONLY 32 MILLION CANADIANS. Do the fucking math.

As an additional aside the USA used one Canadian to win a medal and Australia used another, so the way I figure it we actually finished with 26 medals, ahead of America's 25.

I think if we look at this way my point is even clearer

Canada - 1 medal for every 1.3 million people
USA - 1 medal for every 10.8 million people

So with a population the size of Canada the USA wins 3 medals and Canada with 270 million people wins 207 medals.

Anyway you want to look at it, Canada had a nice little Olympics (not perfect) and the USA had a hugely unsuccessful games. Real events, glamour sports and the Europe only events (Bobsled, cross country skiing) Canada outperformed the USA in all of them.