Where are Commericials Going?

My mind is constantly in the wrong place, so fuck off if you’re expecting me to say I don't believe Jessica Simpson eats Pizza Hut bites.

My problem involves all feminine product commercials on TV.

First on the list is the "New" line of Feminine contraceptive products. I know you have seen it. It is a cartoon type add in the style of Sex and the City. You know, classy, modern, independent women, but still sexy, make me fucking puke. The commercial is a cartoon with women dancing in a night club while a voice over discusses the product line.

-Feminine warming lotion (before)
-Condoms (during)
-Feminine cleansing cloths (After)

Smart right?

To suggest that a company would try and "classy-fy" these products is laughable. Well I must be laughing because Trojan or Lifestyle (whoever the hell is hawking this shit) has done just that. This commercial should have strippers and porn stars in it, not the modern metropolitan woman trying to pick up in New York's hottest nightspot.

(I know that your wondering what the difference is between a hooker and a woman looking to pick up in New York's newest hot spot, and your right. I fucked up. There is very little difference. )

To save you reading everything my point about this commercial and similar others is, "can't we all just fuck without making so much noise about it". These people have tried to "classy-fy" 3 products better known as:

Rubbers, Lube and Cum rags.

That's what they are selling people. I'm sorry, but that is it. Think about it good and hard. If you’re married these are the tools for butt fucking, if your a hooker these are the tools of the trade.

As for the Sex and the City problem. Can somebody please explain to me why I when I watch a hockey game (no matter what channel) I get 50 to 60 tampon/maxi pad commercials every hour, but when Sex and the city is on it is nothing but advertisements for monster trucks, car races and "Guy" movies.

This not only pisses me off, but it blows my fucking mind. The ONLY explanation is that only gay men watch the show (what does that say about me? more later....) and the right wing American establishment is secretly trying to brainwash gays with less than subtle subliminal advertising.

Anyway, on to more feminine product commercials

I would like to begin by saying that there are way too many "pad" and "pon" commercials on TV no matter what show you are watching. Who in god's name are these people advertising to? I am not a woman and have never bought feminine products, but I can be sure that the day I do I will be looking for a rounded tip with a satin finish and a braded end, or in a pad, something thin, but extra absorbent, with a top sheet and wings.

Think about it, if this is general knowledge to me, you have to be pretty fucking sure that every woman in the world knows basically what they are looking for. Advertise in store if you have to, use coupons whatever, just stop dumping blue liquid on shit because the visual is killing the game of hockey.

As for the advertisements themselves, we get it; women don't shut down four days a month anymore. They are active and sexy, so they better be comfortable. Make me puke.

As for the “women on the go who are also independent and sexy”, why is their dad/boyfriend/brother/husband in the commercial always a total fucking moron? Why does mom/sister/wife/girlfriend come to the rescue or outsmart (insert guy) every fucking time? What the hell happened? As an example of world's colliding, think tampex commercial - Guy rows girlfriend across the lake. During the trip the boat springs a leak. While idiot fumbles for a plug, girlfriend jams a tampon in the hole and stops the leak. Again the visual is a little more than I needed.

People talk about trends swinging like a pendulum; well imagine what happens the day men finally rise again. After twenty years of this type of bullshit I can only say god help us all because tits in beer commercials won't satisfy us. Out of the way, we’re going to blow!

How about one more feminine product commercial before I go kill myself? But honestly stop now if you can't take the heat because it is going to get offensive. If the first half bothered you, walk away.

This commercial involves the modern woman who likes fucking and the modern guy who is a total fucking purse.

Again our product is "Lube", sorry feminine moisturizer and warming massage lotion, or some bullshit.

Well the commercial starts with a dude in Khakis and a sweater reading a magazine in bed. Whatever. His lady is in the forefront listening to the "voice". The voice starts talking to the lady about how this lube will get and keep you wet, but also warms you up. Dude's ears perk up and he starts giving "Misses" the rub down. He is stoked about a hot wet wife and honestly who isn't?

Okay....I may not have fucked a hundred ladies, but I have been inside a few and I can assure even the dumbest TV husband that it is already hot in there and you don't need lube to help with that aspect. As for the moisturizing part, I am going to throw the issue of "occasional feminine dryness" out the window and suggest that if you need to use "Hot lube" to get your wife wet she doesn't want to fuck you in the first place. Get ready for a divorce, or get it out of her ass.

ah thank you...