Hypothetical smell based on a true story

In Las Vegas, the only garbage that litters the street is discarded pornography. It comes in the forms of magazines, flyers and most notably business cards. The cards are fun to collect, but the best part about the cards are the people who distribute them.

Walk down the strip at night in Las Vegas and the world is a wash in fat old white people with more money than sense,

AND

Mexicans handing out porn cards. There are Men, Women, Boys and Girls all Mexican (Latino... same thing when placed in the context of a story such as this) spending their Las Vegas nights giving you what you really need, the telephone numbers of the city's finest hookers.

The fact that this marketing device exist is pretty incredible in itself. The fact that it is legal in a place as oppressive as the USA is also pretty incredible, but I guess that is the magic of Las Vegas.

Anyway, these dear soles pack the street corners of the strip and basically assault you with these cards. And you have three options.

Give up, accept them with a smile and make a little game out of it. Tradesies etc.

Be a fucking tight assed prude and ignore them and look disgusted as you consider the offence of a stranger offering you a gateway to fornicate.

Try and avoid street corners at all cost

I make no recommendations of course, but I think my choice is clear. Being drunk helps my choice a lot.

Truthfully, I think it is all part of the Vegas experience. The city (my favourite on earth) is a fucking toilet, with no true redeeming qualities. The dumbest of the dumb lose their money there and the poorest of the poor work there and above everybody is a corporate monster that takes everybody’s money, worker and gambler a like. But it is a great four days. Okay I’ll say it, I recommend that everybody take the cards. Get drunk, make an ass out of your self and walk up to the first child you see pawning this stuff and grab a handful. Don't feel guilty when strangers give you "the look", just say "thanks little girl, if you're recommending her, maybe I'll give her a shot...if you know what I mean." Give a wink and walk away. This is what Vegas is all about. Loud, obnoxious and pornographic. You have to look a little harder these days, but it is worth the look.

Now that you have the information you need to make a choice, you should be on the look out for something. The smell. Consider the source and the building blocks in place that create the odour.

First you have VERY low paid immigrants (legal/illegal) handing out porno business cards in the desert sun and they work until at least 2am. All day on their feet in the desert, probably gets them $20. Second, over their regular cloths, they wear shirts that say "Ask me about naked women". I know, it’s awesome right?

This is where the real problem arises because these aren't their shirts, these are company shirts. I know because I asked to buy one (comedy, drunkenness you get the picture) and they wouldn't sell it, regardless of price. They said they were not allowed.

So when their day is over, they get back on the truck and hand over the shirt for the next batch of young go getters to hand out the porn cards. Here is the rub, nobody is washing those shirts, I guarantee it.

Put these words together and think about what aroma comes to mind.

Immigrants (legal/illegal) / Desert heat / Street vendor / Pornography / polyester uniform / unwashed

For me there is no description, the mere idea of such an occurrence should be a smell unto itself. I believe that the name of the smell should be:

Poly-porn-imma-desrt ordor

You’ll get a lot of warnings about Vegas, like “$79 only gets her to your room”, or “if they serve alcohol the bottoms stay on”, or “at the buffet, stay away from the Chinese food.” My warning is about the smell, just be ready for it. Don’t be afraid. I don't know how to close except to say, get out there and give the unsung hero's of the porn and prostitution industry a hug. They are working for your gratification. You sick bastards.

Time for Christianity to Fuck off

I think I speak for everybody who doesn't live in a Christian dominated country when I say "get the hell out of here".

Seriouisly, do you people not have anything better to do?

If I have to sit through one more news story telling me of the tragedy of another 40 year old white missionary working in Iraq being kidnapped, I am going to go crazy.

Here's a scoop your "mission" is
A) insulting to people with an established culture
B) unwanted
C) fucking stupid. How Christian missionaries waltz into these situations is beyond me. Take Iraq as an example. Here you have a Muslim country where even Muslim's don't get along, so Christian missionaries figure that this is a great place to set up shop.

Oh I know, they need God's help the most. Fuck off. Go home to your families, relax, and when they ask for it, maybe send them a bag of rice.

All of this makes me think of something that is going on today.

The Top ten things that aren't news (there aren't really ten, but you'll get the idea)

1-American soldiers getting killed in a war zone. YOU CANNOT WIN A WAR REPORTING EVERY DEATH. They have guns, bombs and tanks, chances are somebody is going to die.

2-Missionaries getting kidnapped in Iraq (already stated)

3-JOURNALISTS GETTING KIDDNAPPED OR KILLED

I can't stress this one enough. Just because he was part of some ridiculous inner circle doesn't mean ANYBODY gives a shit when a two bit reporter gets killed. Find another white guy with a tie and replace him. They all look the same to us.

4-Journalistic opinions.

This one is a little off topic, but CNN has been running a story about how Paris Hilton's 15 minutes are up. Like she has somehow lost, and is now a piece of shit. I am not going to take sides, but a millionaire who has been famous for over five years with no talent, already beat us long ago. In the same story they report that she made $7 million on public appearances in 2005. If she makes $200,000 a year using her "talents" her 15 minutes aren't up. Off topic...the fact that a major news provider runs a story tell us that they don't think they should be running stories about her is fucking crazy. You opened pandora's box, so don't attempt to report that you are taking the high road by shutting her act down. That is bullshit.

5-Old peoples birthdays - You know your local station has them too. Nobody cares that your grandma is 80 today

6-finally, poeple getting shot in Detriot. Sorry, people just don't care.

A Rambling Rant from Georgia Tech

Punch me in the face!

I don't know where, I don't know when, but as musical tastes go, I have turned into a pussy.

I just spent the last 40 minutes listening to (among others) Rick Ashtely, the 5th Dimension and then something for the kids JoJo, Chris Brown and Kelly Clarkson.

Do I like these artists more than my "when asked" listed favourites? (The Who, Rolling Stones, Pearl Jam, Zeppelin, Dylan, Elton John [pre-1979] and newbie The Strokes)

ABSOLUTELY NOT. NEVER, NOT IN A MILLION YEARS EVER, EVER, FUCKING EVER....

but it seems that I am just in a bit of a better mood at this point in my life and I need something to pick me up, rather than match the pissy, hormone fuelled mood I was in for the better part of the 1980's and 1990's.

These days when I go looking for a song from my youth (or enjoy something with the same vibe [yes I said "vibe"]), it is rarely something angry, but more likely a hot dance number from my nervous first days of boy girl dances. (i.e. She wants to dance with me)

I know, right. Punch that fucking pussy in the face.

I wish it was so simple, but I am addicted. I cannot get enough Lionel Ritchie or Gowan. I know I like "Bargain" more than "Yo". I know it. It is a fact, but I can't stop listening to "Yo", while "Bargain" remains unplaced.

Why am I in this mind set? Well seems pretty simple. When I was a teenager trying to get laid I identified with angry songs of unsuccessful or lost love. Helped me lick my wounds. Now I want to here the song I nailed the girl to in the 9th grade. Helps me relive my sad past triumphs. It is that simple.

Random girl - "Oh I love Rick Ashtley" Ben - "Yeah me too baby, he's my favourite...come on just let me. Please!" That's the simple answer.

Speaking of sad past triumphs, calling teenage sex a triumph is no understatement. When you weren't cool and didn't have moves or cloths you were lucky to catch a city bus let alone sleep with a girl. So I think a 17 year old getting over on a 25 year old women is like winning the Stanley Cup. It wasn't like I was Nick Kypreos 'winning" with the Rangers. I was me, out there alone, with nothing but a preppy hair cut and a bullshit story. It cost me 2 weeks pay to pull that off (not a hookers price, but the cost of a hotel room). Put that into hockey player money and then I think you'll start to see the size of the accomplishment.

Now all that relived....Does any of this explain why a song featured heavily in an episode of "designing women" (marry me Bill - 5th Dimension) has me singing my ass off today? Not a chance, that one is a fucking mystery.

Does that explain why I am listening to 16 year old boys singing pussy assed dance songs? Nope.

Maybe I just don't need to hear "I can't quit you babe", but I need to here and associate with a young urban male trying to attract even younger urban girls...oh shit!

Oh no, daddy's got a problem. Maybe you should just punch me in the face.

After Thoughts on Canada's Olympic Hockey Team

There was a lot of talking after Canada failed to win the hockey gold at the 2006 Olympics. I think everybody missed the point. Sure the guys didn't have the practice time/familiarity to gel as a team. Sure the schedule was too hard, but I think the real failure was we did not utilize the true skills of the entire organization.

To be a real bastard, since we didn't win the Gold I think Canada's hockey team would have been more fun to watch if the behind the scene history and stories of the team were forced down our throats instead of meaningless statistics.

In all honesty, when it comes to the Olympics or any other major international competition where Canada is concerned, its gold or nothing. Fuck it, I don't care about medal totals in the Olympics that much. I do not want to see "Bronze" beside the Canadian men’s hockey team. Better to explode than lose the championship game or worse still win the loser game.

In the Spengler Cup or the annual World Championship it is huge when we win the Gold, but if we don’t, does anybody really care? So the same holds true for the big games.

So on that note.

I would like to introduce "MY" Canadian Men’s All-star Team as far a debauchery and corruption go.

In Goal -

Martin Brodeur. A man who cheated on his wife with her sister. A nice Ottawa connection there too as that is where the Mistress/sister in law lives. I love the balls on a guy who wants to fuck every piece of ass in a family. Think about it. My wife is a hell cat in the sack, but her sister is hot too and she hasn’t had any kids. That is millionaire balls, plain and simple.

Forwards -

Dany Heatly. Murdered close friend and team mate in a high-speed traffic accident. Admitted to drinking that night, lost control of one of the world’s best handling vehicles in a 35 mph zone. Said he wasn’t speeding. I am sure Pelle Lindberg would have said the same thing.

Todd Bertuzzi. Nice assault and battery in an on-ice incident. Many pending lawsuits. This guy is huge and he ploughed that tiny little guy and knocked him out with one punch, and it was from behind. Nice dirty fighter.

Joe Thornton. Beat up a cop in a bar fight involving his brother. No respect for authority. Another huge guy and the cop he hit was from St. Thomas. Tiny little hole in the wall, guaranteed the cop was half his size…and the cops name started with Miss.

Coaching and Administration -

Pat Quinn. One of the people sighted as aiding in the end of the career of Bobby Orr. Notable cigar smoking (Cuban Cigars?) thug, who was never known for his on ice skills.

Wayne Gretzky. Wife has a horrible gambling problem, but forget all that and look a little deeper for some trends. His friends and associates are not just linked to organized crime, but have actually served time. Not just Tocceht, think McNall, Pocklington, Skalbania (no jail time, btu a sketchy businessman). THINK ABOUT IT! Messier and Fuhr were coke heads. He put Theo Fleury on the last team. Played with Kevin Stevens. Good friend of Lemieux the Teflon don of rape. Good friend and coaching protégé, Marty McSorley, was the original Dino Ciccarelli when it comes to on ice assault. It goes on and on like this.

All of this goes to say that, like it or not, the Canadian 2006 team was hard as nails and we should have used it. We should have made people fear us from a skill and societal menace perspective. We had a guy who killed somebody with a Ferrari playing for us IN ITALY and we don't use that? Crazy! Street cred is huge in today's society. Talk it up.

Murder, assault, racketeering, all nice medals when your talking trash. Our leader, Gretzky (The Teflon Don of Hockey), through years of million dollar business dealings has assemble a rolodex of some of the worst business men in the history of sport. We had players who beat and kill at will and we were ashamed of them? Fuck it, play it up.

We should have gone local. Canada had its own little mafia going in Italy and we should have stuffed it down people throats.

Cross the street here come the Canadians. Instead we lost to the fucking Swiss.

Just my opinion. If you stock a team with thugs use every one of their skills, not just their hockey skills.

KISS Army, Soap and Erotica

I have already discussed how listening to "I was made for loving you baby" opened my eyes to the gay life, and yeah I was cool with it.

This note is a "don't fly to close to the sun" warning.

I was enjoying my morning shower today when KISS brought the noise and the funk. Let me tell you, what opens your eyes in rush hour traffic will give you nightmares when your washing your bits and pieces.

So just so everyone knows, KISS is okay in the car, but in the shower, if you want to preserve your masculinity, turn the station.

America is Awesome

Today on CNN.com there are 2 stories, that's right, 2 stories involving convicted felons and kidney donantion.

One is a father who used his sons need for a kidney transplant to plan an escape from a 25 year sentence. The other is a man who committed 40 "mercy" killings in old folks homes who wants to donate his kidney, but can't until after he is sentenced.

America is not the greatest country in the world for nothing.

America is fucking awesome Fuck the file in the bunt cake. I will use my bodies organs to get out of jail. One guy uses it as the carrott to get released the other seems to be trying to escape one piece at a time.

America is so fucked up morally it is incredible. It is basically legal to shit anywhere, jack off in a library, fuck a nun, buy humans to kill for sport and attack anything that moves. America as a society is EXACTLY like a man on crack. Anything goes, it is all about person gratification with no care or concern as to the effect on the world around.

Congratulations Rome, but when will you fall?