Lyrics that Fucking smoke!

I have always wanted to collect all of the lines from songs that, to me at least, make the world a better place.

I have long believed that most great lyrics are above and beyond the author. Call it luck, chance or divine intervention, but a great lyric in a fantastic song has to be above the ability of your simple rock and roller. My opinion, but I am sticking to it.

My interpretation of the lyric is totally subjective of course. I have probably missed the point, but this is what the lyric says to me. Well starting today and continuing until I run dry, here is my list.

Let's start with an easy one:

"Get your greasy hair girl out of my face, this old redneck's on fire" - Thundering Hearts, J. Mellencamp.

Cougar is so dedicated to his dancing, he blasts the local club slut to get a bit more room on the dance floor. Fuckin' right!

See that was easy… So on with the list, by category. (self explanitory I hope)

Manzilla
So wrong they're alright
Breaking up is hard to do
Cheating on your partner
Get off your ass and grab it!
The crazy voodoo that women do do
Damit, I'm with the worng person
Take this job and shove it!
Pour some sugar on me
Fear and self loathing

Lyrics that fucking smoke - Pour some sugar on me

AWW ISN’T THAT FUCKING SWEET

"Sometimes it’s nice to have somebody nice to be close to" - You show me yours, Willie Nelson.

He's right.

“We’re running just as fast as we can, holding on to one another’s hand, trying to get away, into the night, then you put your arms around me and we tumble to the ground and then you say I think we’re a lone now.” I think we’re alone now, Tommy James & The Shondells.

Fucking teenagers piss me off. It still sounds pretty nice.

"All those crazy nights, when I cried myself to sleep. Now mellowdrama never makes me weep, anymore." Haven't got time for the pain, Carly Simon.

Clearly Carly has given up whoring with James Talyor and Mick Jagger and has moved on to an adult relationship. The best use of "mellowdrama" in any song ever. I bet she misses it a bit though.

"Someday everything is gonna be different, when I paint my masterpiece" - When I paint my masterpiece, Bob Dylan.

The whole song is fantastic. This is just the best sung line in the song. Dylan wrote his Masterpiece with this song. Listen and shut the hell up.

“When she puts her arms around me, I can somehow rise above it.” Here comes my girl, Tom Petty.

To quote Roxette, Must have been love.

“and then she looks me in the eye , and says we’re gonna last forever, and man you know I can’t begin to doubt it.” Here comes my girl, Tom Petty.

This is a good line, but when he sings the word “eye” well it speaks for itself.

”Let us be lovers, we’ll marry our fortunes together.” American, Simon & Garfunkel. What a nice sentiment, didn’t he almost kill Princess Laya? Whatever, youth, oh to have it back. Strikes me as something a hobbit might say in Lord of the Rings. Just saying.

Lyrics that fucking smoke - FEAR AND SELF LOATHING

FEAR AND SELF LOATHING

When you can't hate someone else, hate yourself. This is also a good fuel for a hell of a rock song.

"So irratating, don't wanna be myself no more, I wanna be somebody else" - Don't let me get me, Pink.

I think she is missing the point. She lives the fucking dream. I say the same thing everyday, but its because I work at a desk all day. Nothing worse than the shame of failure to try and being to lazy to try something else. This dance song depresses the hell out of me, care to tango Mr. Hanging rope?

“But it just don’t work out that way, in the course of a lifetime runs.” Mother and Child Reunion, Paul Simon.

It never fucking does, does it?

"I don't know no shame, I feel no pain, I can't see the flame, but I do know mandinka." Mandinka, Sinead O'Connor.

I don't know why, but I know Mandika too. "I swear I do. I do Mandika!"

"Maybe we're born lost, born to persevere" - Goodnight Josephine, Tragically hip.

I like when the lyric is smarter than you. So many potetnial explanations, but be sure there is a girl and they are working on a reason to get together.

“I don’t want it I just need it, to breathe, to feel, to know I’m alive.” Stinkfist, Tool.

Coke is a hell of a drug…

"Well I am riding down Kingsview figuring I'll get a drink. Well I turn the radio up loud so I don't have to think." Something in the night, Bruce Springsteen.

First, Bruce sounds absolutely hammered while singing this song. The word "Drink" takes him 4 seconds to spit out, while "Think" takes 5 seconds. I have driven these lines before. Think John Travolta on Heroin in Pulp fiction driving his car. Good times, not enough of them anymore. Shit, where am I gonna get that drink?

“Long nights to believe in the freedom of music, but glittering prizes and endless compromises shatter the illusion of integrity.” Spirit of radio, Rush.

Yeah, that’s about right.

“I sold my soul to make a record, and then you dip shit, bought one.” Hooker with a penis, Tool.

Best title for a song ever. In addition, this is a pretty nice statement about bands selling out.

“Even the losers get lucky sometimes.” Even the Losers, Tom Petty.

He’s right, but remember to enjoy it, otherwise it's over and you're left as a hulking mass trying to win back the supermodel you shouldn’t have been with to begin with.

“I am just a worthless liar, I am just an imbecile.” Sober, Tool.

You had me at worthless liar, you had me at worthless liar.

“Save me from the nothing I’ve become.” Bring me to life, Evanesence.

I love when people realize that they’re all wrong. It almost feels like this line should have been release two years after the song came out. Like a telephone conversation between the girl and the guitarists that quit. “help me make another hit!”

“deaf and blind and dumb and born to follow, what you need is someone strong to guide you, like me” Opiate, Tool.

I would vote for someone who addressed the populous like that.

“It’s funny how an insect can damage so much grain.” Empty Garden, Elton John.

Word to the wise, don’t murder the friend of a talented musician because you become the insect in a great song. I always hate Chapman when I hear this song, maybe that’s wrong because it is probably what he wanted, but the hate still feels good.

Lyrics that smoke - Manzilla

Manzilla

What a theme. How about a section entirely dedicated to lyrics that yell to who ever will listen that men aren't retards in tampon commercials. We eat breath and piss, so get the fuck out of the way. Of special interest are the long lost pick up lines, these are the greats.

"If you squeeze my lizard, I'll put my snake on you" - Killed by death, Motorhead.

The title is the best lyric, but "It don't make no difference" when you open a song with balls as big as that pick up line, you have my respect.

"I don't need no make up, I've got real scars. I've got hair on my chest, I look good without a shirt" - Goin' out west, Tom Waits.

A confident man is a thing to behold. Fucking shout it brothers. To me this is "I am woman hear me roar", with a penis.

"Maybe your other boyfriends couldn't pass the test, but if your rough and ready for love, honey I'm tougher than the rest." Tougher than the rest, Bruce Springsteen.

Oh I'll love you, but it might get rough. I think Tina Turner was looking for this guy earlier.

"Wrap your legs round these velvet rims and strap your hands across my engines." Born to run, Bruce Springsteen.

What does he mean by that, and will I be home for supper?

“I wonder, Honey, what do you do for money?” what do you do for money Honey, AC/DC.

I was wondering that myself. Put this in the list of great pick up lines.

"I wanna know if love is wild, babe I wanna know if love is real. Oh can you show me?" Born to run, Bruce Springsteen.

Totally unintentionally I have realized (with the last three lines) that all men, all of us, should ask out women like Bruce Springsteen. Fuck dinner, fuck flowers, be Bruce. Pussy's be damned, be Bruce.

"I wanna make every woman I see, maybe make a make a baby with me cause I'm a heterosexual man" - Heterosexual man, the odds.

The song was more than likely a bit tongue and cheek, but why the fuck not just sing it?

“Steal a car and go to Las Vegas.” Eyes without a face, Billy Idol.

This isn’t a good line, it’s just good advice. Get out there and steal a fucking car and go to Las Vegas.

“Now you the finest girl I ever saw in my life, I want to stick to you like white on rice” Let’s get it on, Ike & Tina Turner.

Pick up lines like this need to be dusted off and used again.

“Listen everybody, especially you girls” Can I get a witness, Marvin Gaye.

Marvin’s shout out to play the sensitive card is great. He sings to an entire room of women that he will love them right. The balls on this liar. Gotta love it.

“Climb on the back we’ll go for a ride in the sky.” Jet, Wings.

I have doubts that this one would still work, but I like that he is trying new things.

“I'm lit and I don’t care what no one thinks, but where the fuck is the waitress at with my drinks?” Stand up, Ludacris.

I like getting lit too, and I can never find a waitress either.

“I got serious cash flow and you could break me girl if you could bend and touch the floor.” Can a nigga’ get a table dance, 2 Live Crew.

First the title/chorus is one of the great lines of all time. This line on the other hand just makes me laugh. I don’t care what I do, or where I go in life, I want to party with these guys once. You have to know this can out of an actual conversation they had at a club. The girls were all tied up and this guy was getting anxious and boom, you have one of the great songs of all-time. Bravo!

“More punks I smoke, yo my rep gets bigger. I’m a bad motherfucker and you know this.” Straight out of Compton, NWA.

Another in the long line of songs with “motherfucker” featured prominently that I love, but I really like the assertiveness of this line. I don’t like gun violence, nor do I like people who use guns to make them feel like “big” men. It’s weak. That said, I think this is a pretty ballsy line. This song is about as assertive as it gets. It is basically trash talking and for about 4 minutes. 3 guys talk about how they “will” kill you.

“You cunt, I’m not a queer.” My Way, Sex Pistols.

It’s funny more than anything. I wonder what Frank thought? Wait a minute, how did Sid, die again? New York City…You bastards, you blew it up, you maniac’s. Damn you, damn you all to hell!

"Don't you trust me?" - Me wise magic, Van Halen.

The whole debate about how much better this song is than anything Van Hagar did is irrelevant. When David Lee Roth asks if you trust him, you know something is up. Oh to be a fly on the wall.

Lyrics that fucking smoke - Lyrics so wrong they're alright

So wrong, but so right. Basically I need my rock stars to live the life I am not able to live. So when I get sick of love songs, I need someone to own up to crimes and indescretions.

"can we forget about the things I said when I was drunk, I didn't mean to call you that." - My own worst enemy, Lit

I don't care if he's apologizing, it's still awesome

"I can see that your fifteen years old, I don't need no ID."

( PART 2)

"You say you've got a friend that's wilder than you why don't bring her upstairs. If she's wild that she'll join in too, it's no hanging matter, it's no capital crime" - Stray Cat Blues, Rolling Stones.

Now you know why these guys are THE shit. After that song you start to see a theme in Music. That theme is 15, 16 and 17 year old girls are very popular Muse's for rock stars. Beatles, Rolling Stones, Ringo Starr, Winger etc. Oh well. What the fuck can I do about it, but sing along.

"Whoa, fucking lesbian twins now" - Country Grammar, Nelly.

A friend explained this line to me perfectly when he said that it could not possibly be cooler to equate financial or career success with ability to bed twin girls. I can't say as I disagree. Really who could?

“If a girl’s has a pierced tongue ring she’ll probably suck your dick. That’d be great. If a guy’s got a pierced tongue he’ll probably suck you dick. Don’t want none of that, no.” No sex in the champagne room, Chris Rock.

Why be ashamed of your heterosexuality? Offer not accepted, no deal.

“He got it, I want it. They got, but I can’t have it. But I want, but it don’t matter. She got it, but I can’t get it. I want a mistress for Christmas.” Mistress for Christmas, AC/DC.

Adults have dreams too. One of the finest Christmas carols of all time. A dirty Christmas is always good.

“Wanna be in heaven with three in a bed.” Mistress for Christmas, AC/DC.

If you are gonna be sacrilegious, go all out, motherfucker.

“Start an escort service for all the right reasons” Cowboy, Kid Rock.

This song has so many good lines picking one was impossible and how could you not pick this line, I mean really, fucking really?

“How you ain’t gonna fuck? Bitch I’m me. I’m the god damned reason you’re in VIP.” Stand up, Ludacris.

I guess now people know the rules. I am glad he set that straight.

“Hey man where’d you get that lotion? I’ve been hurting since I popped again.” Lust for life, Iggy Pop.

Hey “he’s just a modern guy”. The song is filthy the lines are hilarious, but even more so when you consider that the song has been used to advertise everything, fucking EVERYTHING. Gay sex, gay clubs, deviant sex, drugs, it basically goes on and on. Hey white Christian America, does this song make you want to buy a Chevy Malibu? I thought so, I have a blue one on the lot.

“Your town is very famous for its little girls.” A quick one while he’s away, the Who.

Oh it’s a quick line alright, but it’s nice and dirty.

"Excuse me while I light my spliff" - Easy Skanking, Bob Marley.

No problem man, you're Bob Marley, but thanks for being so polite. Really with that kind of courtesy, how can it be a crime?

"Too many women, too many pills" - Shoot to thrill, AC DC.

A fine explanation. They are rock stars and that is cool with me.

"I'm in love with Rock and Roll, and I'll be out all night" - Roadrunner, Jonathan Richman.

Nuff said.

“I’ve got a solar powered laser beam guitar.” Spaceship superstar, Prisim.

Really, can I see this fucking thing? Sometimes making no sense at all, makes all the sense in the world.

"Right now it's time to Kick out the Jam's Motherfuckers" - Kick out the Jam's, MC5.

Greatest begining to any song, ever. They say it and you do it because "you gotta have it baby, you can't do without...put the mic in my hands and let me kick out the jams"

"I'm going, I'm going where the water tastes like wine, we're gonna jump right in and stay drunk all the time" - Goin' up the country, Canned heat.

Summer time, getting pinned and living the lyric, what else?

"...most said that I was a failure. Now the same Motherfuckers asking me for dough, and I'm yelling I can't help ya..."

"can I make it, dam right, I'll be on the next flight, paying cash, first class, sitting next to Vana White." Ride wit me, Nelly.

A pair of great statements about sudden wealth. Clingy friends and a TV celebrity. "looks like we've made it after all!"

“Buy a yacht with a flag that saying ‘chilli’ the most and rock that bitch up and down the coast.” Cowboy, Kid Rock.

Like Nelly, I think he might be missing the point of huge wealth, but I’d go on the boat if asked.

“Throw that Bob Marley wanna be motherfucker outta here…YEAH!” Cold and ugly, Tool.

Add it to the Motherfucker list, but I like it when a bad gives it to the crowd a little.

“I don’t even look at young girls anymore, people will think I’m some kind of pervert” Adult now, Pursuit of happiness. That a real shame. When a rock star doesn’t think he can ogle his fans in peace we have all lost a little.

Lyrics that fucking smoke - Breaking up is hard to do

Breaking up is hard to do!

Man a good break up is fucking gold for a song writer. Even a half-assed band can find success when his lady leaves his sorry ass in the dirt to fuck his friend or the manager of McDonalds or whatever.

If you get your heart broken, do yourself a favour and avoid listening to Black (Pearl Jam) or Waiting in Vain (Annie Lennox version). That said, on to the heart breakers.

"I know someday you'll have a beautiful life, I know you'll be a star in somebody else's sky, but why, why, why, can't it be, ah can't it be mine" - Black, Pearl Jam.

Holy fuck. I need a break. Talk about putting it on the page. Imagine for a minute you’re the girl the song is about. You fucked this guy up bad. Thanks from all of us, by the way.

"Tears in my eyes burn while I'm waiting for my day to see" - Waiting in Vain, Annie Lennox.

I should have taken that break. This stuff is gut wrenching. The song as a whole and her voice make this one of the saddest songs ever, but the line pretty much sums up how this pathetic girl is waiting for any sign and it ain't coming.

"Don't sound so detached, this is you and me, just give me your opinion before you turn to leave" - Emperor Penguins, Tragically Hip.

Dam it Bitch, tell me what you mean "it's not me it's you?"

"Dear can't you see, we're not enemy's, we just disagree" - Is this it, The Strokes.

Don't take everything I say so fucking personally, you aren't invested. EXACTLY!

"How can you forgive that fast? Why do they call it the past, when nothing's past?" - Around this corner, Sarah Harmmer.

I know what you mean. Hold on to that grudge and let it fester, it will taint you for life, but you'll be a more interesting person.

“I was only joking when I said you should be bludgeoned in your bed.” Big mouth strikes again, The Smiths.

Come on baby, really, where am I gonna get a heavy blunt object to kill you with around here?

"Fuck you, I will get over you" - Fuck you, the Headstones.

Why is breaking up so heard to do when poetry like this gives us all the direction we need?

“Everyone has their breaking point, with me it’s spiders, with you it’s me.” Thugs, Tragically Hip.

At least he knows, but somehow I think he is still going after her.

“I’ve seen all my dreams come tumbling down, I can’t be happy without you round.” Train in vain, The Clash.

See what you did Fionna Apple? Bitch.

“Blood, guts, guns, cuts, knives, lives, wives, nuns, sluts. Bitch I’m gonna kill you.” Kill you, Eminem.

Not gonna be popular with the ladies, but hey he put his heart on his fucking sleeve with this one. This song was the craziest thing I had ever heard up to that point. Is it excellent? No, but wow, this guy really fucking hated his wife. Thank god he married her again. How do you apologize for this one? No baby that one wasn’t about you, it was about my mom. That’s fine Norman…

”She’s been dying, and I’ve been drinking.” Rain Kings, Counting crows.

That’ll fix me up. Just as long as daddy gets his medicine we’ll both be fine.

“When the truth is found to be lies, and all the joy within you dies.” Somebody to love, Jefferson Airplane.

I hope you find what your looking for one day because your walking away from something really good here. It may have been the 60’s, but should Grace Slick really have laid such a heavy trip on that guy? I mean really, what ever happened to free love baby?

“and Jesus he wants to go to Venus, leaving Levon far behind. Take a balloon and go sailing, while Levon, Levon slowly dies.” Levon, Elton John/Bernie Taupin.

It is not your tupical breakup, but it'll do. A friend helped me see the light with this song. Sometimes drugs are good. The day they penned these lyrics the drugs were awesome. A vindictive retard selling balloons with aspirations of space travel. Fuckin’ right.

“I was dreaming of the past, and my heart was beating fast. I began to lose control. I didn’t mean to hurt you, I am sorry that I made you cry, I didn’t want to hurt you, I am just a jealous guy.” Jealous guy, John Lennon.

I am not sure, but I think Ike Turner wrote this song for John, but whatever, it’s just Yoko.

“So stick around cause we might miss you when we grow tired off all this visual.” Radio ga ga, Queen.

If we didn’t have MTV where would all the vacuous 18 year old assholes go to tell us how great Britney Spears is? Unfortunately for Queen, radio may be in fact worse than MTV. DJ’s are now the dumbest people in the world and the robot that programs their music has no fucking taste.

“I ain’t heard from you in three damned days.” Picture, Sheryl Crow/Kid Rock.

You better fucking call her man.

“Too depressed to go on, you’ll be sorry when I’m gone.” Adam’s song, Blink 182.

Piece of advice you crazy kids, they won’t be. They’ll forget real quick. That fucking Fionna Apple has struck again.

“I’m hanging on, you’re all that’s let to hold onto and I still waiting.” Red Hill Mining Town, U2.

Let go, for fuck sake, you’re just going to hurt your arms.

“I saw her again last, and you know that I shouldn’t. To string her along just isn’t right, but what can I do, I’m lonely too?” I saw her again last night, Mamas and the Papas.

You ever notice that peace and love was all about fucking, loss and guilt? I love it, it just sounded cool and fun, in reality it was the blues with chicks and tambourines.

"I’m just a notch on your bed post, but you’re just a line in a song.” Sugar, we’re going down, Fallout boy.

If you learn nothing else, know I love revenge. Why attack someone, when you can burn their soul with hot Latin rhythms?

Get off your ass and grab it!

Getting off your ass! Apart from depressing us on purpose or singing silly love songs, every once and a while a song will make you stand up and cheer. Well not really, but it will make you almost get off the couch...and strech. If you needed to anyway.

"If you want it, come and get it, for crying out loud" - Babylon, David Gray.

If you have ever hesitated over a woman this is a battle cry to get off you ass, and grab hers.

"Dam it listen to me good, I'm sleeping with my self tonight, sick and tired, thank god my music's still alive" - Someone saved my life tonight Bernie Taupin.

Fuck off groupies; I am so phoney I am making myself sick, thank god I still rock. He was right, fuck was he right.

"I just want to scream hello!" - elderley Woman..., Pearl Jam.

It is so fucking positive there for a second. Even I have a smile on my face when I hear it. I like to think he is seeing a lost love for the first time and realizes he is genuienely glad to see her after so long. But whatever, it is one of my favorite concert experiences, just joining in.

“Make up your mind, shake you fist, just don’t leave it like this.” Bad, bad boy, Haywire.

I like the sentiment here, very similar to David Gray, but as it turns out this guy is just looking for a shag tonight and she’s been teasing him all night, so as it happens I like it even more.

"Met a girl and we had a few drinks and I told her what I decided to do. She looked out the window a long, long moment, then she looked into my eyes. She didn't have to say a thing, I knew what she was thinking." Roll me away, Bob Seger.

He does tell us, and he's right, but man if we could all meet people like this. Fuck the mundane, take some advice from the movie Tombstone and "grab that filly by the waste and make her your own." Why does Bob Seger make you want to hit the road and leave it all behind?

“I don’t know where my soul is, I don’t know where my home is.” I’m like a bird, Nelly Furtado.

Unfortunately for Nelly and the rest of us, she fucked up and had a baby and ruined a lot of the good things she had going for her, namely, she found her home and her soul. Cost her a promising career.

“shut up and, Fight!.” Hooker with a penis, Tool.

Tired of talking, stop the debate, have a problem? This is some good advice.

Lyrics that smoke - the crazy voodoo that women do do

They drive us banana's. Oh the sirens song, why do they play with our hearts?

- When Women are good

"Drink up baby doll, tell me are you in or are you out?" - Let go, frou frou.

I hear this line and want to take that woman up on her offer. I don't care what it is, but when she asks me to come with her, I finish my drink and head for the door.

"Tell me just what you want me to be." Game of love, Santana.

I love it. Fucking love it, when beautiful women make requests, or in this context when a beautiful voice makes an offer.

"Wait for it, there are only two of us now" - Lodestar, Sarah Harmmer.

At the 3:30 point of this song something pretty special happens and you will listen over and over again.

“Joey if you’re hurting so am I.” Joey, Concrete Blond.

It’s nice when your lady will score you drugs and not get on your case about it all the time.

“I don’t care what they think, I don’t care what they say, what do they know about this love anyway.”

Lesbian love hurts too. Lesson learned, can I watch?

“Stand in front of you, take the force of the blow. Protection.” Protection, Massive Attack.

We don’t need much ladies, but this would be nice.

“Come softly darling, come to me stay. You’re my obsession, forever and a day.” Come softly to me, the Fleetwoods.

Ladies, if you’re whispering in my ear one day, this is probably what you should sing.


When Women are bad - They are so, so bad

”it's a sad, sad world when a girl will break a boy just because she can" - Criminal, Fionna Apple.

It is sad, but they still fucking do it, damn their hotness.

"She reached out and took me by the hand, we made love in my chevy van, and that's alright with me" - Chevy Van, Sammy Johns.

I'm sure it was alright. Come to think about it was a nice little deal. She got a little further down the road and he got off. Besides it was her idea, he was just being a good host.

"I was fucking Wendy under the stars the night that Elvis died" - Wendy under the stars, The odds.

Nice little rock and roll memory, and what a nice way to remember the old lady that taught you the ropes.

"I may hate myself in the morning, but I'm gonna love you tonight" - I may hate myself in the morning, Lee Ann Womack.

We've all been there, but when I remember those nights, there was never a voice as sweet. It was dirty and there was a lot of swearing and cigarettes. Still totally awesome, but not Womack awesome.

"Late at night she knocks on my door, she's drunk again and looking to score. I know I should say no, but it’s kind of hard when she's ready to go. I maybe dumb, but I'm not a dweeb, I'm just a sucker with low self-esteem" - Self-esteem, Offspring.

It is hard to say no, and like our friend Lee Ann says "I may hate myself in the morning, but I am gonna love you tonight".

"Went to a party last Saturday night, didn't get laid, got in a fight, it ain't no big thing" - Kiss me deadly, Lita Ford.

She had a belt buckle that said "Bitch" and knew how to rock. To be totally honest I would be afraid not to fuck her. She was scary, in a sexy way.

"Just when I thought she was coming to my door, she whispered sweet and knocked me to the floor. She said "I'm only seventeen." - Seventeen, Winger.

Fucking rock stars, even there problems sound pretty good. He's got a line on a girl for the night and boom, minor, two years for stat rape. If hair metal hadn't died I am sure they would have written a follow up (after the 2 – 5 stretch) about how it was totally worth it.

"When she's saying all that she wants is in me, then I wonder why she sleeps with my friends" Self-esteem, Offspring.

I don't know what to say...you go girl, I guess?

"I'm on my second drink, but I've had a few before"
- I like her math, continued…

"Stop staring at my D-cup, don't waste time just give it to me, come on baby just feel me up"
- I like her style.

Take it off, The Donnas.

The Donnas take barber shop to new heights with "Take it off". It starts with a grunt and goes down from there. Apparently the song is the ramblings of a horny young woman at a club of some kind, sung from the drunk horny woman's perspective. Awesome!

“Oh ho, gonna tell the world you’re a dirty little girl.” – Dirty little girl, Bernie Taupin/Elton John.

Is it bedroom banter? Is it a threat? I don’t really know, but I am thankful for the heads up.

“If I seem to be confused, I didn’t mean to be with you.” Joey, Concrete Blond.

That’s okay, I just appreciated the throw, given that I am a habitual drug user with all the traits associated with the habit.

“Stop running your mouth and get your heels a clicking a bet your like the others, I bet you’ll turn chicken.” Let’s get it on, Ike & Tina Turner.

I am too much woman for you so just shut the hell up….Yes sir.

“Like a tramp in the night I was begging for you.” Touch me, Samantha Fox.

It doesn’t happen enough, but boy when it does do we ever fee like the cock of the walk.

“Making out all night in Hollywood, I’d do them all if I could.” 40 boys in 40 nights, The Donnas.

These girls just won’t quit. I have to love they’re insatiable desires and they brutal honesty.

Lyrics that smoke - Damit, I'm with the worng person

The wrong Partner – Don’t love the one your with

“if you can’t be with the one you love, love the one your with” Generally speaking if you are in a dry spell this is good advice, but I think overall (life’s perspective) this is totally WRONG! It could be a commentary on settling not really being a bad thing, but is chucking your dream really ever good? Maybe they failed to see what they really wanted was right in front of them. Regardless, at the time it was a radical thing to say.

"I used her, she used me, but neither one cared" Night moves, Bob Seger.

All of this love affair prefexed with "and it was summer time, sweet summertime." Fuck what I just said, this is what life is about. Live dam it, Live!

I was in the wrong room. I was with the wrong woman - Leonard Cohen.

This is cheating a little bit, but it is still great. This line was in the liner notes of Leonard Cohen's first greatest hits album. Waking up and realizing your life is a sham is pretty sweet.

"She says the bible is all that she reads and prefers that I not use profanity your mouth was, so dirty" - Comfortable, John Mayer.

Sure he's a pussy, but the sentiment is all right. Still I have to wonder whether or not a girl wrote this for him. Hate the beautiful girl your currently sleeping with, angry sex, you idiot.

"She lies and says she's in love with him, can't find a better man" - Pearl Jam, Betterman.

Probably true, we're few and far between.

"One night love affair, tryin' to make like we don't care. We were both reaching out for something." One night love affair, Bryan Adams.

That's basically it, if we could just grow a pair and act like adults, but how much fun would that be.

“If it feels this good getting used, you just keep on using me, until you use me up.” Use me, Bill Withers.

He’s right to an extent, but if your buddies tell you to let this one go, do it. It’s all fine for a while and then you’re a fucking purse.

“Stop playing with my heart, finish what you start, when you make my love come down. If you want me let me know. Baby let it show. Honey don’t you fool around.” Border Line, Madonna.

And now you know why Madonna became such a huge slut. Well done anonymous stranger, well done in deed.

“No matter how I think we grow you always seem to let me know it ain’t working, and when I try to walk away you hurt yourself to make me stay. This is crazy.” ex-factor, Lauren Hill.

It’s a great line, but I love the exacerbation of the “this is crazy”. I can't believe I am still fucking this guy. Again she gives us visuals. I see a slow motion fight, awesome.

“Outstrechted hands and one night stands, still I can’t find love.” God know why, Kid Rock.

Stop whining and get back in the game you're a rock star.

“Lying in Bedrooms is easy.” All uncovered, The Watchmen.

Sure but ask Queen what happens when you do. "Freddie, can you help me explain?"

“You say you love me, and I hardly know your name. And if I say I love you in the candle light there’s no one but myself to blame.” It’s Late, Queen.

“The way you love me is the sweetest love around, but after all this time, the more I’m trying, the more I seem to let you down.” It’s Late, Queen.

“I can love you, but I know I can’t be true”. It’s Late, Queen.

“If I take you tonight is it making my life a lie? Oh you make me wonder, did I live my life right. It’s late, but it’s time to set me free.” It’s Late, Queen.

I lived this fucking song for three years and I found a little comfort in it (the song not the relationship), so it gets four quotes because I couldn’t decide on one.

Lyrics that smoke - Take this job and shove it!

WORK SUCKS

Written too many love songs, or heartbreakers? Well, tell me why you hate your job. It's gold Jerry, gold!

"Meet the new boss, same as the old boss" - Won't get fooled again, The Who.

Life doesn't get more real than that. It doesn't matter who you work for, it is gonna suck.

"I feel like a number, Dam it, I’m a man" – Feel like a number, Bob Seger.

Great song, battle cry. I think he just met the new boss, and it was the same as the old boss.

"Everything has changed, absolutely nothing's changed" - Corduroy, Pearl Jam.

Sometimes it just makes sense to meet the new boss a different way.

"A little less conversation, a little more action please" - A little less conversation, Elvis.

He's right. This is a blanket statement for all situations and I have to say I appreciate the courtesy. If I have to go to one more meeting I think I'll die on a toilet.

"Making so much money, products moving fast, put away the stash, as I sold the last bag fucked around and got locked up" - Locked up, Akon.

Can't explain this one, I guess I like the way he explains his own incarceration. In this case you gotta believe work sucked that day.

Make your money with a suit and a tie, it's good advice - King of Comedy, REM.

I have never felt so bad about being white colour. I am sorry rich rock star, you're lucky the song rocks.

"Fuck you I won't do what you tell me, motherfucker" - Killing in the name of, Rage Against the Machine.

Pretty much just put Mother fuck in the lyric and it will make the list, you capitalist pigs.

"They shake your hand, and they smile and they buy you a drink. Oh but everybody's only looking out for themselves" - Money changes everything, Cyndi Lauper (written by Prince).

She's right. Those cocksuckers screwed me! Apart from being the greatest song of all time, you can actually see this fucking fight happen in your head while she sings. That is an accomplishment.

If you made them and they made you, who becomes the devil, and who made who? Who made who, AC/DC.

A good fucking question, who the hell is in charge around here?

“don’t try to bleed me, cause I’ve been here before, and I deserve a little more.” Rain Kings, Counting Crows.

This is more like you local bar trying to fuck you around, and they're right.

“They paint my car like a target, I take my orders from fools. Meanwhile some punk blows my head off, well I play by their rules.” Crime in the city, Neil Young.

Neil tells us why cops turn to crime, but I think he succeeds in telling us all why work sucks.

Lyrics that smoke - Cheating on your partner

CHEATING

Now putting pen to paper to brag about an affair is pretty cold, but I like it. Doing it to justify an affair is a little bit hurtful, but doing it to get back at the cheater is pretty nice..

"I swore I would be true, but honey so did you. So why were you holding her hand. Is that the way we stand. We're lying all the time, was it just a game to you?" - Linger, Cranberries.

Ryhming never sounded so good. If I ever got caught, this is the way I would have like to have been called out.

"Down you betrayer, how you lied." 7 years, Nathalie Merchant.

Not THE, but one of THE saddest songs of all-time. For the record, this is NOT how I want to be called out if I get caught. I can see the restaurant now and I can feel the burn of the vodka tonic as it gets tossed in my eyes.

“I can’t believe he’s so trusting, while I’m right behind you thrusting.” Scotty doesn’t know, Lustra.

Turn about is fair play boys.

"She says her love for me could never die, but that would change if she ever found out about you and I. Oh but her love was cold, it wouldn't hurt her if she didn't know." Run to you, Bryan Adams.

A lot of things go through my head when I hear this song. First, I know why he was fucking huge in 1984, this song is awesome. Secondly, with this song and "One night love affair", "Somebody" and "Heaven" you have to wonder what the hell was he up to? As an aside, he clearly can't keep a secret. So she probably found about about her. At least the songs kicked ass.

"Had to much to drink, didn't think, didn't think of you" - Half a world away, REM.

No I didn't. I was with the girl from "self-esteem" and things got out of control. Oh to be 20 again. Sorry about that XXXXXXX.

"I know your image of me is what I hope to be. If I've treated you unkindly darling can't you see, there's no one more important to me, so now we're alone and I am singing my song for you" - A song for you, Willie Nelson.

Greatest sung apology for cheating on your wife ever, without a doubt. How abotu the worst ever?

“I ain’t been home since Friday night and now my wife is coming after me. Give me police protection so I can look out for number 1.” My wife, the Who.

Apart from calling himself number 1, it’s kind of nice that he still wants to come home. Although he claims that he just got drunk and fumble on some unfortunate situations, he did die in a hotel in Vegas filled with hookers, coke and heroin. So I see some holes in his story. PS – If I can sign up now, I would like to die that way one day.

“Baby said he’s not coming back because he’s sleeping with me.” Dirty Diana, Michael Jackson.

I like the sentiment. She makes a quick call, drops the bomb and gets back to work. If that was true, wouldn’t his life be a hell of a lot easier. Imagine that for a minute. If Jackson was a huge dirty notorious baller, what would the world be like? "Sorry Marc Anthony MJ just banged JLO."

“Someone’s gonna tell you lies, cut you down to size.” Don’t do me like that, Tom Petty.

Oh she won't cheat on me I'm a catch. REALLY?

"I’ve gotta stand tall, you know a man can’t crawl, but when he knows you’re telling lies he can’t let them pass him by". Cathy’s clown, Sam Cooke.

She cheats on him, he pours out his heart and he gets a hit. The real loser? The guy Cathy was banging has been a clown for fifty years and don’t doubt everybody he knows, knows the song was about him.

“Her man’s been gone for nigh on a year. He was due home yesterday but he ain’t here.” A quick one while he’s away, the Who.

I see an old vet coming home from war and this grease pig is on your doorstep everyday trying to break down the defenses. He’s late baby, he’s probably dead, let’s have a quick one while he’s away.

If we could all just get along and hate Joe Thornton

I would love to just agree with someone one day. Just stand up one day and say,

"Yes that guy is fucking right on. He hit the nail on the head"

Unfortunately I live in the world (to quote Rayan Graf from My so called life).

It has been suggested that the NHL MVP race has come down to two players, one of whom is Joe Thornton.

Now I am not going to make an argument for someone, but you better fucking believe I am going to make an argument against someone.

Fucking Joe Thornton.

The MVP is for the Most Valuable Player to his team.

Consider if you will that Joe Thornton was the Captain, THE FUCKING CAPTAIN, of the Boston Bruins for over 25% of this current season. I don't fucking care how well he played in San Jose, he was with the Bruins for 25% of the season and that has to be factored into the equation.

I have gone over the stats a number of times (check the fucking posts) and plain and simple Thornton was a FUCKING JOKE for 24 games this year in Boston. A man standing 6 foot 4 weighing 240 pounds, a man who was the captain of an original six franchise, this man had 6 fucking penalty minutes in 24 games.

Fuck off with his achievements in San Jose, fuck Cheechoo, fuck the playoffs, the Bruins gave this asshole almost $6 million and couldn't get him to hit, shoot or score, NOTHING. For 24 games, for $1.5 million they got NOTHING.

And now they want to make him the MVP. GREAT.

When they make the case for Joe they talk about the turn around in San Jose. Truth be told it wasn't until LA and Vancouver shit the bed that San Jose started to turn it around. The final numbers don't tell the whole story. The better story is that the Bruins played BETTER without Thornton. How fucking valuable can a guy be when he leaves a team the FUCKING IMPROVE.

Joe Thornton was a cancer and when San Jose gets an Alexi Yashin type performance out of Thornton in the playoffs, everybody, FUCKING EVERYBODY in the world owes me a dollar.

Give the MVP to Heatley, he found time to kill his friend, hurt his eye, score 50 goals and not make me sick as an Ottawa Senator. Now that is an achievement.